📝 Update and organize project documentation and assets
This commit is contained in:
@@ -0,0 +1,23 @@
|
||||
Christina Drugs
|
||||
|
||||
Wednesday June 15th
|
||||
|
||||
——————————
|
||||
|
||||
1:15PM - Amox
|
||||
|
||||
1:31PM - 2x T3
|
||||
|
||||
2:12PM - Torodol
|
||||
|
||||
5:00PM - 2x T3
|
||||
|
||||
8:00PM - Torodol
|
||||
|
||||
9:10PM - Amox
|
||||
|
||||
Thursday June 16th
|
||||
|
||||
—————————
|
||||
|
||||
6:30AM - Torodol
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,24 @@
|
||||
#Christina #Feelings - - Dec 20
|
||||
- [ ] Feeling really exhausted and overwhelmed right now
|
||||
- [ ] Been treated really poorly by me last couple days
|
||||
- [ ] Have let me know she has a completely empty bucket
|
||||
- [ ] No attention given to that
|
||||
- [ ] Don’t think I have made an effort to plan a state of the union or take Christmas stuff off plate
|
||||
- [ ] Continue to drive her emotionally into the ground
|
||||
- [ ] Comments this morning were really hurtful
|
||||
- [ ] About having time to listen about Alice
|
||||
- [ ] About having a panic attack on the phone and it was hurtful to you
|
||||
- [ ] Heartless to say
|
||||
- [ ] Yeah she could have clarified when I came to the bathroom door but didn’t want to break down
|
||||
- [ ] Persisting it was about Alice means she needed to put her aside and Alice first
|
||||
- [ ] For me to shame her like she did y have time multiple times it sucked
|
||||
- [ ] As soon as she k ew it was about Alice she wanted to put Alice before herself
|
||||
- [ ] Wouldn’t stop commenting about not having time
|
||||
- [ ] Not fair
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] She has Christmas stuff, Alice and mom stuff happening
|
||||
- [ ] How extra hurtful it is
|
||||
- [ ] I’m dragging her down deeper
|
||||
- [ ] I can see the stress and how it’s affecting me but I can’t look at her and what stress she is carrying
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,11 @@
|
||||
#Christina #Feelings - 12/24/23
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] Feeling really hurt about the way I’m talking to her
|
||||
- [ ] If I can look at the way I’m talking to her
|
||||
- [ ] Be mindful about being kind and polite
|
||||
- [ ] Esp leaving a room or walking away she finds to be very disrespectful
|
||||
- [ ] Something I need to do let her know before walking away
|
||||
- [ ] Stop throwing it in her face about not knowing me or understand me
|
||||
- [ ] It’s hurtful and rude
|
||||
- [ ] She has asked for that before it keeps happening about throwing it in her face
|
||||
- [ ] Something missing the mark on bringing it up not to throw it at you in anger
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,11 @@
|
||||
#Christina #Feelings - 1/31/24
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] Making facial expressions while I’m talking to her
|
||||
- [ ] Telling me I made a choice to talk to her that way
|
||||
- [ ] Telling me I absolutely would forget to tell her
|
||||
- [ ] Not asking for a space to share feelings
|
||||
- [ ] Didn’t stop when I asked for it to stop so I needed to say I needed a break again
|
||||
- [ ] Talking to Alice in a tone of voice and mimicking her which we have asked not to do with the kids and be bigger
|
||||
- [ ] Try to advocate for the kids
|
||||
- [ ] Say she set Alice off bc of her not listening and telling Alice to do something without listening to her side
|
||||
- [ ] Deflecting it’s basically my fault since our interaction went poor
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,14 @@
|
||||
#Christina #Feelings - 2023-10-18
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] When I lash out at her it really upsets her
|
||||
- [ ] When she already has an empty bucket it’s especially hurtful
|
||||
- [ ] Like me spending time on phone or interrupting more or deflecting
|
||||
- [ ] Me lashing out hits harder
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] She feels like I don’t always acknowledge when I lash out at her
|
||||
- [ ] Need to work on repairing the hurt it causes when it happens
|
||||
- [ ] Feels like often there is very little thought given to what happened and we move on
|
||||
- [ ] Build resentment towards me
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] When I lash out at her or continually cause her emotional harm she isn’t able to parent at the level our kids deserve
|
||||
- [ ] Just doesn’t hurt her but our family
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,6 @@
|
||||
#Christina #Feelings - 5/16/24
|
||||
- [ ] Asked for a break and she continued talking and trying to finish sentence
|
||||
- [ ] Keeps negative ting feels by saying I’m blaming here
|
||||
- [ ] Trying to just share where I got to the conclusion I did
|
||||
- [ ] Asked something in a conversation and not even addressed just pulled convo back onto her and her priorities
|
||||
- [ ] Something she has said she doesn’t like so would like the same respect
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,25 @@
|
||||
#Christina #Feelings - Apr 19
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] Deserve to have her thoughts and preferences listened to and not be told they are irrelevant
|
||||
- [ ] Convos not one sided and deserve me listening to her
|
||||
- [ ] Felt really shitty yesterday which I knew
|
||||
- [ ] Asked for one thing of me
|
||||
- [ ] It spiraled
|
||||
- [ ] Continues to be a problem how I treat you when frustrated
|
||||
- [ ] Feel very little has been done on my part to fix it
|
||||
- [ ] Disappointing to her to feel like I mean so little to me that I can lash out like that
|
||||
- [ ] From her perspective she has been really trying
|
||||
- [ ] Date nights or nice things for me
|
||||
- [ ] Trips or plans I have going on
|
||||
- [ ] Looking for appreciation
|
||||
- [ ] Been several times I’ve lashed out recently been really upset and talked to me about it
|
||||
- [ ] Before I left for trip already upset feeling dismissed by me
|
||||
- [ ] She doesn’t think much has been done since I have been home
|
||||
- [ ] All times I have taken kids dinner cleanups etc
|
||||
- [ ] All negatives right now
|
||||
- [ ] Tired and hurt
|
||||
- [ ] Want to know when she isn’t going to feel like that from me anymore
|
||||
- [ ] At a later time would love clarification on last few days and months she has been talking to me
|
||||
- [ ] Not ok to just unload on her like that
|
||||
- [ ] Don’t wait and unload on her
|
||||
- [ ] Really sick of being unloaded and lashed out at
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,26 @@
|
||||
#Christina #Feelings - Talk 5/16/24
|
||||
- [ ] She would appreciate being able to ask questions without me blaming her
|
||||
- [ ] From earlier today
|
||||
- [ ] Sent points she thought pertinent to Alice’s doc apt
|
||||
- [ ] Was following up on those points
|
||||
- [ ] In no way was blaming me just looking for information on Alice’s medical info
|
||||
- [ ] Turned into her feeling blaming her by saying it wasn’t clear to me
|
||||
- [ ] Don’t appreciate the me telling her I gave her all the info and I had no secrets in what I was telling her
|
||||
- [ ] Doesn’t make me feel she can ask questions or follow up on questions that are important to know
|
||||
- [ ] She feels there continues to be a lot of statements made that make her feel blamed
|
||||
- [ ] For example today
|
||||
- [ ] Asked about follow up from questionnaire right away I pulled out phone and said she wasn’t clear
|
||||
- [ ] Feels like garbage trying to figure out information about Alice
|
||||
- [ ] I deflected saying she didn’t give any appreciation
|
||||
- [ ] Leads her to feel like she can’t feel free to ask me about important medical appointments she wasn’t a part of
|
||||
- [ ] Another time feeling blamed today
|
||||
- [ ] Me saying I was following an example she setup
|
||||
- [ ] She felt frustrated and let me know she could look at the way she talked to Alice and she could let me know that she would appreciate me waiting giving time to apologize
|
||||
- [ ] She doesn’t feel I acknowledged what she said and saying i was following your example
|
||||
- [ ] When she tried to bring it back to giving time and space I said she isn’t the main character and that she needed to back down and check how others are feeling
|
||||
- [ ] I needed break if she wouldn’t acknowledge what I shared
|
||||
- [ ] this leads to feel like what she brought up isn’t being addressed and then being blamed for why I did it and then being deflected on
|
||||
- [ ] She feels she was trying to get back to original point that didn’t get addressed
|
||||
- [ ] Feels really frustrating and upsetting to try and talk to me
|
||||
- [ ] She wants to feel like I’m listening g to and trying to understand what I’m saying l to me
|
||||
- [ ] She feels like things she says to me get misinterpreted and that I get defensive but all she is looking for is a little bit of understanding on how she is feeling
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,18 @@
|
||||
#Christina #Feelings - discussion 8/11/22
|
||||
- [ ] Feeling really hurt
|
||||
- [ ] Can be really unkind when I’m upset
|
||||
- [ ] Doesn’t feel like there is room for her to make mistakes in our relationship
|
||||
- [ ] If she does make a mistake I go out of my way to make her feel as shitty as possible
|
||||
- [ ] Let me know as soon as she was home she was sorry
|
||||
- [ ] While trying to apologize the facial expressions I was making were upsetting
|
||||
- [ ] Wasn’t trying to minimize on it just get me to look how she was being treated
|
||||
- [ ] I was trying to show I cared but I wasn’t going to do it again - seemed cruel and defeating
|
||||
- [ ] ESP if I’m saying I see how hard it’s been
|
||||
- [ ] Why couldn’t she have been given a bit of grace?
|
||||
- [ ] Was a shitty way to act
|
||||
- [ ] Next morning trying to let her know how she felt while I was with Charlie
|
||||
- [ ] Onus is on her to initiate the convo
|
||||
- [ ] Wanted to be heard that she was hurt
|
||||
- [ ] Something like “hey I fell asleep but would sure like what you have to say”
|
||||
- [ ] Feels really shitty when she works so hard for our fam and things that she does for me to be thoughtful
|
||||
- [ ] One mess up and no grace given
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,8 @@
|
||||
#Christina #Feelings - 2/9/24
|
||||
- [ ] Really disrespected from this morning
|
||||
- [ ] Interrupted her multiple times
|
||||
- [ ] Then when wasn’t ready to share what she said bc it was light hearted and funny
|
||||
- [ ] Took opportunity to talk about it later by asking the kids
|
||||
- [ ] On top of that not responding to her saying I interrupted you multiple times
|
||||
- [ ] I used a rude voice
|
||||
- [ ] Overall this morning really hurt her and made her feel like complete crap
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,6 @@
|
||||
#Christina #Feelings - 3/20/24
|
||||
- [ ] Making facial expressions when talking to me
|
||||
- [ ] Tone of voice as well
|
||||
- [ ] Not addressing what I am saying before moving on
|
||||
- [ ] Brought up that it seems what I am saying is minimized and don’t feel it was addressed
|
||||
- [ ] Defensive when talking to her and her not waiting 5 seconds to answer
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,14 @@
|
||||
#Christina #Feelings - 4/17/24
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] Really hurt her feelings and stuck with her about comment she said that I hated her
|
||||
- [ ] Hate is a very strong word and hard to hear from your spouse
|
||||
- [ ] Not that I hated what you did but her
|
||||
- [ ] Secondly she felt threatened by me
|
||||
- [ ] The words I chose to use were inherently threatening
|
||||
- [ ] When I say
|
||||
- [ ] I don’t think you want to continue down this path
|
||||
- [ ] Hold her responsible for how I’m going to act
|
||||
- [ ] Victim blaming if I’m upset and lash out she is at fault
|
||||
- [ ] Should be understood we are both responsible when upset
|
||||
- [ ] Don’t want them said going forward
|
||||
- [ ] How it was perceived
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,4 @@
|
||||
#Christina #Feelings - 5/4/24 about
|
||||
- [ ] Saying I didn’t say I was looking for purpose AND I needed her help
|
||||
- [ ] Being vulnerable and felt I was being blamed
|
||||
- [ ] Asking to talk and her not hearing/listening to me as she walked on by made me feel like it wasn’t a safe space
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,49 @@
|
||||
#Christina #Feelings - April 17 2022
|
||||
|
||||
I feel like you think it’s ok to keep treating me like shit bc it keeps happening. If you thought it wasn’t ok you would stop doing it I assume.
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
Christina’s feelings
|
||||
- [ ] I feel like shit
|
||||
- [ ] Don’t want record of how your feeling right now
|
||||
- [ ] Very frustrated
|
||||
- [ ] Feeling really hurt with how today played out
|
||||
- [ ] Don’t feel like you can trust me when I’m upset about something
|
||||
- [ ] Feel like I can’t look past what my reaction is to tune into her feelings
|
||||
- [ ] Eg. this afternoon with me needing to go to bathroom I explained away stuff instead of listening to her
|
||||
- [ ] Not interested in how I think I acted or why I did it
|
||||
- [ ] Was trying to share she was hurt bc of way she thought she was talked to
|
||||
- [ ] Another eg. downstairs trying to follow up how she was feeling and I got hung up on how she said a thing
|
||||
- [ ] Wanted to deflect and clear it up first
|
||||
- [ ] Said she would take out assume and that is still the way she feels
|
||||
- [ ] Putting phone in face and telling her repeatedly it’s a you statement not a feelings statement.
|
||||
- [ ] She felt unimportant
|
||||
- [ ] Apologizing and it still keeps happening
|
||||
- [ ] Assuming if I apologize it would stop or reduce
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] Hurtful to her about way I am hitting down notes - impersonal
|
||||
- [ ] Asked if I can do something different as it’s been this way for a while
|
||||
- [ ] Feel like she is a piece of trash that I can kick around
|
||||
- [ ] Not worth my time to fix it
|
||||
- [ ] Tried to bring up her feelings and first thought was to explain it away
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] It’s frustrating that after a really good weekend and her being attentive to her needs
|
||||
- [ ] She tries to tell me something she needs she got the response she did
|
||||
- [ ] Even in a good place not able to tune in and listen to her feelings or respond
|
||||
- [ ] Probably went differently if asked to use the framework
|
||||
- [ ] If she is upset don’t ask her what’s wrong if I’m not ready to talk about feelings
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] Could have let you know I need a minute before hearing her feelings
|
||||
- [ ] How am I going to work at this so it doesn’t keep happening?
|
||||
- [ ] Hurts when I respond with anger or agitation
|
||||
- [ ] Can’t trust she can be vulnerable with her and I emotionally take care of her
|
||||
- [ ] Can get really mean and assertive and it sucks
|
||||
- [ ] Do I think the way I am acting today when looking up the I feel statements was acceptable?
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] Sign for me:
|
||||
- [ ] Ready to talk
|
||||
- [ ] Not ready to talk
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] Think there needs to be a convo about listening
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,88 @@
|
||||
- [ ] Still hurt by the way I treat her and the kids when I’m upset or frustrated
|
||||
- [ ] Is not acceptable
|
||||
- [ ] It is so defeating to feel like everything is going g great and then when I’m frustrated it all goes out the window
|
||||
- [ ] It doesn’t seem like any positives are remembered by me and she is repeatedly villainized
|
||||
- [ ] Yesterday she asked several times to stop blaming her and unloading on her
|
||||
- [ ] My response was I had so much more and could keep going - I could do so much more
|
||||
- [ ] At that point I was being willfully hurtful to her
|
||||
- [ ] Again she asked me to stop digging in and stop blaming her for last two days and she mentioned we both had things we were upset about and that we should talk about it at a later time
|
||||
- [ ] To which I continued to list all the ways it was her fault for the last two days and kept mentioning the shower
|
||||
- [ ] I repeatedly telling her I want nothing to do with her, forget the shower, I don’t want to be near her feels really aggressive and hurtful and could have been accomplished by asking for a break
|
||||
- [ ] I brought up repeatedly that my feelings or thoughts weren’t being addressed - however she feels she tried to own up to some things, not everything, it wasn’t perfect
|
||||
- [ ] Thursday night was a hard night for her
|
||||
- [ ] She did apologize for not letting me know she needed to vent
|
||||
- [ ] And she said she would be mindful of that going forward
|
||||
- [ ] Acknowledged I was frustrated about the dishes and suggested to keep one side clear to help with it
|
||||
- [ ] Then it feels like none of that gets acknowledged and it’s only the negatives / talk about this too
|
||||
- [ ] It feels like when I’m triggered I go out of my way to make her feel as shitty as possible
|
||||
- [ ] Several things last couple days that were concerned to her and they were all deflected on
|
||||
- [ ] When she was concerned about Alice’s tablet being hidden - was passed over and it was needing to be a convo between the two of us
|
||||
- [ ] When she tried to bring to my attention that I belittled Alice when she asked to have her hair braided before bed - the focus became that I took something away from me
|
||||
- [ ] She had mentioned twice previously and gave no indication I was going to talk to her about it
|
||||
- [ ] So she was concerned and it was completely deflected on
|
||||
- [ ] I brought up again that I would like to switch roles with her
|
||||
- [ ] What I had said was I work for 8 hours and you are just with the kids
|
||||
- [ ] She has asked me to stop. It diminishes her feeling of self worth and what she might be feeling is an overwhelming task to serve our family
|
||||
- [ ] My response was that is how I talk and could have been curious about it instead of villainizing me
|
||||
- [ ] She has the right to be upset about something I said and bring it to me without me putting it on her for not being curious
|
||||
- [ ] I deflected again today when she asked if I was able to talk about something - talk about this
|
||||
- [ ] When she let me know the note was written for herself. I said ok and then deflected on how there were different ways she could remind herself is not an appropriate response
|
||||
- [ ] To add insult to injury I pointed out that she shares her feelings more often and that it’s like pulling teeth to listen to my concerns
|
||||
- [ ] However we have been over the reason for that many times. I keep choosing to deflect when she is bringing stuff up when she is trying to be heard - talk about this as
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] Ask for time and space to talk about concerns but NOT feelings?
|
||||
- [ ] This is my fault as I asked what I can do
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] Good idea to ask if the other person is available to listen
|
||||
- [ ] About all conversations that are more serious
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] Upsetting how I talk to her in front of the kids when she was trying to finish what she was saying
|
||||
- [ ] She understands she shouldn’t have mimicked me. Her bad. Poor choice.
|
||||
- [ ] When she tried to finish what she was saying and citing the point in the conversation when I said feelings with a tone, I interrupted and gestured to the kids saying wow that’s a great thing to teach the kids that I deserved it
|
||||
- [ ] It feels like living with jekle and Hyde. Everything is fine until the moment it’s not. And then it’s like I have no decency towards her. Upsetting to her and the kids to have me act that way. It needs to stop.
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] Several times over the last few days she tried to bring it together that we as a couple are hurt and have things we are both upset about - every time I persisted to blame her
|
||||
- [ ] She was trying to work towards a solution and my focus was blame
|
||||
|
||||
———————————————————————
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] Don’t feel like anything will change based on the way I’m acting right now
|
||||
- [ ] Mistreatment of her and the kids
|
||||
- [ ] No she has no hope any of this will change
|
||||
- [ ] Highly concerning how I act when I’m frustrated
|
||||
- [ ] Kids are noticing - Alice convo at dinner
|
||||
- [ ] Don’t know what action has been taken since we last talked
|
||||
- [ ] It’s all good till triggered then it’s like a fucking war zone
|
||||
- [ ] She is sick of it
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] Leave conversation as soon as I am annoyed with you
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] A
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] A
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] A
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] A
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] A
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] A
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] A
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
#Christina
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,14 @@
|
||||
- [ ] She is feeling heartbroken after this weekend
|
||||
- [ ] Feeling emotionally shattered
|
||||
- [ ] She feels unsafe to make a mistake
|
||||
- [ ] She feels inadequate in that she is only as good as her last mistake
|
||||
- [ ] She is feeling embarrassed the kids have seen her so upset recently
|
||||
- [ ] she feels ashamed that they feel the need to try and make her feel better after a convo we have have
|
||||
- [ ] She feels overwhelmed and emotionally raw with the process of a diagnosis for Charlie
|
||||
- [ ] Feel like an outsider to the family
|
||||
- [ ] She feels wrong in that she needs to change herself to meet the needs of our family
|
||||
- [ ] She feels unloved
|
||||
|
||||
Action item
|
||||
- [ ] Give more grace when making a mistake
|
||||
- [ ] Keep improving on how I treat her when frustrated
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,40 @@
|
||||
- [ ] She is still feeling hurt by the multiple comments I made about if she was feeling abused I wouldn’t care if she left or that she should go
|
||||
- [ ] It left her feeling heartbroken
|
||||
- [ ] What kept replaying in her mind is that I don’t care and that she isn’t important to me
|
||||
- [ ] She is not worth fighting for
|
||||
- [ ] Sorry for what I said hurt her
|
||||
- [ ] It won’t be brought up like that in the future
|
||||
- [ ] She had to sit with it for 24 hrs thinking I don’t give a shit if she left
|
||||
- [ ] She is so worthless that I couldn’t be bothered to adjust my behaviour
|
||||
- [ ] To be omg I’m so sorry I’m making you feel that way what can I do how can I change to make it better for you
|
||||
- [ ] Not turning it back on her and saying how she is emotionally abusive
|
||||
- [ ] She is still feeling sad from the last week and being lashed out on last weekend
|
||||
- [ ] Feeling worried and unsupported in regards to her mom yesterday
|
||||
- [ ] she feels upset that I would hold it against her if she gives understanding to Alice that I don’t get
|
||||
- [ ] Things will not always be the same or equal but she would want to hope that I can feel glad for Alice that she is being understood
|
||||
- [ ] She feels hopeless by the way I respond when frustrated
|
||||
- [ ] Feels like everything is bad and it’s hard to keep proving to me that she is trying and she loves me
|
||||
- [ ] The biggest one is she is feeling worried for me and the big emotional fluctuations
|
||||
- [ ] She feels dread waiting for the next upset and how bad it will feel
|
||||
- [ ] She feels stressed by how disruptive that will be to our family life
|
||||
- [ ] it’s just coming from a place of love and concern but she thinks something is going on with me that needs to be addressed
|
||||
- [ ] Possibly that I am depressed
|
||||
- [ ] Could be seasonally related
|
||||
- [ ] She understand that there are things that I am going to be upset by but the extreme highs and lows don’t seem healthy, maybe not taking vyvanse right times or right dose?
|
||||
- [ ] She knows I say when I’m low it’s all her fault and she has seen me have this response with other things going on
|
||||
- [ ] Makes her think I am not as emotionally regulated as I should be to show up for our family like they would want
|
||||
- [ ] To give me more peace? I can get so low so quick it must be exhausting
|
||||
- [ ] Can get in a funk and it seems like that can be hard for me from her perspective
|
||||
- [ ] She feels scared that the place I was in last spring could be a reality again
|
||||
- [ ] It really hurt when she asked if I had seen the text message and she knows I didn’t know the context of the message was but I went into things that completely derailed what she was asking about if I had seen the message
|
||||
- [ ] It was really hard and it brought back a lot of hurt from how lonely she felt and alone she felt when her grandpa died
|
||||
- [ ] She hasn’t told the kids anything as they don’t have all the info yet
|
||||
- [ ] We don’t know it’s all ok and we don’t know the results of the exploration were
|
||||
- [ ] Just means the procedure they did went well going in but results could be bad
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
Action items
|
||||
- [ ] Ask for breaks sooner
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
Feeling heard out by me and nothing further to mention and good to stop taking notes
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,26 @@
|
||||
- [ ] Feel frustrated when she was interrupted when she tried to talk to me in the car
|
||||
- [ ] It’s very difficult to have a conversation with me when it starts with her being interrupted
|
||||
- [ ] She feels angry that she was asked not to do something that she had not done
|
||||
- [ ] She feels unimportant based on number of times she is interrupted when talking
|
||||
- [ ] Or when she is in the middle of something
|
||||
- [ ] It feels like a frustrating double standard that i am very upset when it happens to me but on the flip side it is done to her frequently
|
||||
- [ ] And often she ends up stopping what she is doing to be able to listen to me
|
||||
- [ ] She is feeling very sad she was interrupted multiple times at Starbucks
|
||||
- [ ] She doesn’t feel she was respected when she said she could not listen to my feelings at Starbucks
|
||||
- [ ] Overall the convo in the mall was not respectful
|
||||
- [ ] It was hurtful the way I talked to her and apologized for how something seemed to her
|
||||
- [ ] In the apology noted I had not gotten any apologies
|
||||
- [ ] The way she was talked to at the mall had her feeling like garbage
|
||||
- [ ] My tone of voice was hurtful and triggering for her
|
||||
- [ ] She feels embarrassed that she often cries in public because she feels so shitty in interactions with me
|
||||
|
||||
Actions
|
||||
- [ ] End interactions sooner calling for a break when possible
|
||||
|
||||
If I was really sorry I would have been interested in hearing what it was that actually was the problem for her
|
||||
|
||||
My apology and what came after left her worse than original and unable to breath in public
|
||||
|
||||
Left her feeling like such shit
|
||||
|
||||
She had said on the escalators she needed a break and she wishes that had been respected
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,42 @@
|
||||
- [ ] She is continuing to be hurt by the way I respond when frustrated
|
||||
- [ ] I push aside what she is sharing instead of listening to what she is saying
|
||||
- [ ] It’s a mind fuck for her to hug her and say I love her then at slightest bit of tension it goes out the window and treat her like shit
|
||||
- [ ] In what’s happening with my mom right now she is aware how mom responds when frustrated or feels blamed and seeing same response in me and the kids Charlie especially
|
||||
- [ ] The kids are paying attention to the way I treat her and impacts how the kids talk to each other and how Charlie responds to frustration
|
||||
- [ ] What I pulled the other day about what Charlie had done for her and the coffee cup was unacceptable
|
||||
- [ ] I robbed any joy from Charlie’s gesture from her
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] Look into therapist
|
||||
- [ ] Present best version of myself
|
||||
- [ ] Kids mimicking my behaviour when responding to frustrations
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
||||
|
||||
As soon as got in car Alice brought up how mom responded to Charlie crying
|
||||
|
||||
They were clearly upset by the thing mom did and was the first thing they said
|
||||
|
||||
Alice was upset by the way mom responded to Charlie
|
||||
|
||||
Alice knew it wasn’t ok
|
||||
Mom has to own it and do better for next time
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
#Christina
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,15 @@
|
||||
- [ ] Feeling really hurt lately
|
||||
- [ ] Don’t feel I’m taking time to listen to her words
|
||||
- [ ] To understand her without being blamed
|
||||
- [ ] When she said she was feeling bullied and like I wasn’t listening to her words my immediate response was why didn’t I say that 10 mins ago and it was her that started out aggressive
|
||||
- [ ] Makes her feel like I have zero consideration for her feelings
|
||||
- [ ] The fact that she is saying she is feeling bullied and it gets turned around saying she should have said something sooner feels awful
|
||||
- [ ] Later trying to bring it up I said if it’s not one thing it’s another with you today
|
||||
- [ ] Maybe you are just tired
|
||||
- [ ] This was dismissive and blaming to her
|
||||
- [ ] What she has been asking for for months now don’t be dismissive and listen to her
|
||||
- [ ] Really shitty that she can share something with me and I don’t care and I just seem to want to blame her for it
|
||||
- [ ] Makes her feel worthless
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
#Christina
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,44 @@
|
||||
- [ ] Doesn’t think it’s all my fault
|
||||
- [ ] Thinks I was interrupting when she was talking to Charlie in the living room
|
||||
- [ ] She didn’t me say I was advocating for Charlie
|
||||
- [ ] Would have liked to hear what I had to say just not at that time
|
||||
- [ ] Wish what she was going through had been considered more
|
||||
- [ ] She was just trying to talk to me about the conversation I started
|
||||
- [ ] Thinks she messed up this as well (self deprecating)
|
||||
- [ ] Doesn’t want me to reiterate it
|
||||
- [ ] Energy I came out with was a lot
|
||||
- [ ] She was sad and upset and didn’t need to attend to that
|
||||
- [ ] She needed to be cared for for a bit
|
||||
- [ ] Slapped kicked bit today and last thing she wants is to go through mental gymnastics with me
|
||||
- [ ] She has acknowledged she messed up and clarifying questions she asked came across poorly
|
||||
- [ ] The way I treated her upstairs in the convo was not ok
|
||||
- [ ] I said I didn’t want to talk about it anymore but she doesn’t know what to do
|
||||
- [ ] But then I come in her space and do this
|
||||
- [ ] Requiring her to put more mental energy into me
|
||||
- [ ] She needed to feel cared for and emotionally cared for today
|
||||
- [ ] She pushed away because of the way I was treating her
|
||||
- [ ] It’s not that I don’t deserve to to feel comforted and loved like she is asking for now
|
||||
- [ ] She doesn’t remember conversations about letting me know she can’t be there for me because of how she was feeling towards me
|
||||
- [ ] Didn’t seem like a safe space to let me know she wasn’t ok
|
||||
- [ ] She was feeling mistreated by me
|
||||
- [ ] She was letting me know she was looking for comfort and had a shit awful day
|
||||
- [ ] Said this when she came down asking if I wanted to do clay before talking about
|
||||
- [ ] Wants me to see she is hurting and be there for her
|
||||
|
||||
- The expectation I set out if she could let me know but she could not and I didn’t make her feel safe
|
||||
- She was looking earlier for comfort but no longer after the way she was made to feel
|
||||
- It’s ok to step back bc she doesn’t feel safe with me
|
||||
- It’s ok for her to not talk to me bc she doesn’t feel safe with what I would say to her
|
||||
- About halfway through something shifted and I was picking at things she was saying and she didn’t feel safe
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
Action item
|
||||
- [ ] Dig deeper when things are not successful to be there for her when she is feeling upset
|
||||
- [ ] Don’t bring this energy to her when she is sad and upset
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
Wtf is this shit
|
||||
- [ ] Energy I came out with was a lot
|
||||
- [ ] I forced myself out here
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,26 @@
|
||||
#Christina #Feelings - May 5 2023
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] Felt really. Crappy yesterday interacting with me
|
||||
- [ ] Few things brought to attention that I didn’t fully attend to
|
||||
- [ ] One of them being mindful how things I saw come across as blaming her
|
||||
- [ ] Eg you trailed off while talking
|
||||
- [ ] Could just be could you repeat that for no blame
|
||||
- [ ] You were talking too quietly
|
||||
- [ ] Could just be I didn’t hear you
|
||||
- [ ] Small changes that don’t make her feel blamed
|
||||
- [ ] Second thing
|
||||
- [ ] Need to stop saying I don’t believe it started out that way
|
||||
- [ ] When bringing something to her attention that is upsetting
|
||||
- [ ] Doesn’t matter how it started
|
||||
- [ ] Trying to tell me an experience she is having
|
||||
- [ ] At some point that deserves attention
|
||||
- [ ] Just because things were fine earlier doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have the right to be upset about something later
|
||||
- [ ] When I say that, it makes her feel like she is being bc blamed for what lead up to something happening
|
||||
- [ ] Or that I’m arguing that it shouldn’t matter what happened because earlier in the day was good
|
||||
- [ ] Overall, need me to stop and listen to what she is saying
|
||||
- [ ] It shouldn’t just be in feelings conversations and the framework that it gets turned around on her
|
||||
- [ ] I should be to talk to me and feel like I’m valuing and listening to the words I’m saying
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] Really defeating she can’t bring something up to her
|
||||
- [ ] Makes her think I’m disinterested and don’t value what she is saying
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,14 @@
|
||||
- [ ] Feeling uncared for after convo this morning
|
||||
- [ ] Don’t feel heard or acknowledged
|
||||
- [ ] Feel disappointing in my response to her sharing her experience that I asked for
|
||||
- [ ] Feeling let down how I show up for her emotionally
|
||||
- [ ] Things can be good but then in more difficult conversations they can go sideways and she doesn’t feel her needs are considered
|
||||
- [ ] She wants to feel like I care about her even when I’m frustrated
|
||||
- [ ] She wants to feel like I respect her words and thoughts
|
||||
- [ ] She wants to feel like her words are important and valued
|
||||
|
||||
Epically let her down this morning
|
||||
Now thinking that wording is too harsh
|
||||
|
||||
Actions:
|
||||
- [ ] Don’t ask her what’s up or why her face looks like that
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,71 @@
|
||||
- [ ] She is not feeling heard after twice being asked why she is upset
|
||||
- [ ] There were things that I did address yesterday and some things that I didn’t
|
||||
- [ ] Yes she feels not heard out even though she is saying I did address her concerns
|
||||
- [ ] Sometimes I did address her responses and other times I shifted to what she didn’t do
|
||||
- [ ] Energy felt combative and like it didn’t feel like it was going to be productive
|
||||
- [ ] Both times she asked
|
||||
- [ ] Still feels like I did not hear her out and that she also felt betrayed bc I asked why she was crying and instead of listening I gave counter arguments
|
||||
- [ ] Didn’t happen either time
|
||||
- [ ] Seemed like I was looking for things to negate her feelings
|
||||
- [ ] She needs to me listen and understand and tune in
|
||||
- [ ] Try and figure why she is feeling that way and not bring up things I have done for her to prove why she shouldn’t feel that way
|
||||
- [ ] That’s the way it felt
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] Both of those things can be true
|
||||
- [ ] I asked why she was crying and she tried to share she was not feeling heard
|
||||
- [ ] I told that and called her a liar and that I was disappointed in her and that’s not ok
|
||||
- [ ] The assumption I made that she was avoiding talking to me were untrue and upsetting
|
||||
- [ ] It feels frustrating having meaning assigned to things without asking
|
||||
- [ ] It was very upsetting in the bedroom when she asked not raise my voice and I said I would not bc she was a liar
|
||||
- [ ] Or something to that affect
|
||||
- [ ] Disrespectful and not ok
|
||||
- [ ] She feels very angry and frustrated and hurt by the energy I brought into our relationship the last two days and the lack of support she has felt
|
||||
- [ ] This led to her feeling overwhelmingly frustrated in the bedroom and yes she was jumping not trying to move closer not trying to intimidate me feeling worthless bc of the way she was talked to about the bedding
|
||||
- [ ] Felt worthless and scared in the kitchen when I was telling her that the conversation would not go well for her and me mimicking running towards her, interrupting her and continuing to yell at her all felt threatening and not something that she feels comfortable with in a relationship
|
||||
- [ ] Felt like shit that she already felt like trash and not thanked for washing and making the bed
|
||||
- [ ] While I was away this weekend
|
||||
- [ ] And the first thing noted was how she should have put the bed mat
|
||||
- [ ] What did she feel threatened about
|
||||
- [ ] Being deliberately cruel when talking to you
|
||||
- [ ] Palpable when I’m frustrated the way I’m talking and looking at her feels deliberately cruel
|
||||
- [ ] She feels it will be intentionally cruel if she continues the conversation
|
||||
- [ ] Talk however I want or say whatever I want
|
||||
- [ ] Yelling is also threatening as she doesn’t like being yelled at
|
||||
- [ ] It makes her heart race and it doesn’t want to be something the kids see
|
||||
- [ ] Esp when she has asked for it to stop and I say no
|
||||
- [ ] Previous trama feeling unsafe when things I have done while yelling at her
|
||||
- [ ] She was trying to be heard so she raised her voice and was trying by to release energy by jumping bc she was feeling so unheard and she was frustrated from the last two days of being shit on she felt like
|
||||
- [ ] And yes she was just overwhelmed with frustration and wanting me to just listen to her
|
||||
- [ ] Not to twist it on things she could have done and just listen and treat her with some dignity
|
||||
- [ ] My comments to her when she let me know she was going to the grocery store were hurtful and inflammatory
|
||||
- [ ] She understands that I might be upset by things she has done but it’s not the time or place for me to share them
|
||||
- [ ] Talking to her feels rude and disrespectful
|
||||
- [ ] Discuss after
|
||||
- [ ] Don’t appreciate me saying she has been the one that has been aggressive and she doesn’t feel heard
|
||||
- [ ] It felt upsetting my response that she let Mel ow she was going to the grocery store
|
||||
- [ ] Interacting with me since I came home from my trip for the most part has made her feel like trash
|
||||
- [ ] She has felt taken advantage of, unseen and like assumptions were being made about her
|
||||
- [ ] The way I have been interacting with her has felt very terrible
|
||||
- [ ] She is sad
|
||||
- [ ] She is frustrated
|
||||
- [ ] And she is really tired of giving all she has and then being told I can’t look outside myself right now and also feel criticized
|
||||
- [ ] It really hurts and it doesn’t make you feel supported in our marriage
|
||||
- [ ] It felt scary to her the way I was interacting with her in the kitchen
|
||||
- [ ] It feels awful the way I talk with her when I am frustrated and how things I say to her seem to be said to hurt her and seem to be spiteful
|
||||
- [ ] She didn’t appreciate the jab at her about going to the grocery store and I wasn’t worried unless she was going to jump up and down and come near her
|
||||
- [ ] There was no need for that when she is just letting me know she is going to the grocery store
|
||||
- [ ] Yes she asked for a break but it was deemed important to her for me to know bc of the potential ramification to the kids
|
||||
- [ ] She is deeply hurt and sad by the way she has been treated by me and the unkindness she has felt from me
|
||||
- [ ] She deserves better than the treatment she had gotten the last two days
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] She walked away from both of those convos where I asked why she was crying feeling like trash and needing to ask for a break bc she wasn’t feeling heard
|
||||
|
||||
Actions
|
||||
- [ ] Try and remember to not ask why she is crying to expose myself to adhering to feeling talk rules
|
||||
- [ ] Ask for breaks sooner if I’m feeling triggered to not get to points it did
|
||||
- [ ] Work on wording around it won’t go well and not saying that to not come across as threatening
|
||||
- [ ] Work on not making assumptions
|
||||
- [ ] When frustrated distance myself or do something else to avoid hurtful jabs at her
|
||||
Her suggestions
|
||||
- [ ] Take no out of the equation when she asks for me to stop yelling at her
|
||||
- [ ] If I can’t stop yelling ask for a break or remove myself
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,27 @@
|
||||
- [ ] Wanted to say thanks for taking ninja t the vet on Monday
|
||||
- [ ] Feeling very overwhelmed so it was appreciated
|
||||
- [ ] Not having to squeeze taking him into the vet before girl guides meeting
|
||||
- [ ] Right now she is angry so many takes fall to her to handle
|
||||
- [ ] She feels overwhelmed and needs help when we are going places
|
||||
- [ ] She has made it really clear to me and asked for me to look for ways to help
|
||||
- [ ] Asking what I can do when she is already busy doesn’t work for her
|
||||
- [ ] Puts the mental load on her
|
||||
- [ ] Pulls her out of what she is already doing
|
||||
- [ ] She feels disrespected that I continue to ask what I can do to help her
|
||||
- [ ] She feels sad, invisible and unappreciated by our family
|
||||
- [ ] Appreciation of the little things she does for our family goes a long way
|
||||
- [ ] It’s not licking her boots to say thank you
|
||||
- [ ] She feels taken advantage of by me
|
||||
- [ ] She feels like I have a lot of time to do the things I want to do and she is left to figure everything else out for the rest of the family
|
||||
- [ ] She needs a partner that can help her shoulder the load and pick her up when she is struggling
|
||||
- [ ] Right now she feels lonely and abandoned when she was struggling
|
||||
|
||||
Clarifying
|
||||
- Did I tell the kids that I didn’t want to go on our trip
|
||||
- Yes I did based on how things have been going around
|
||||
- She doesn’t think it’s a fair convo to have with Alice
|
||||
- The concept of it is not ok to have with the children
|
||||
- Not fair to say with how absent I have been this week
|
||||
- All the planning and organizing
|
||||
|
||||
- don’t like the way I say her name in conversations
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,80 @@
|
||||
#Christina #Feelings - Sept 4th 2023
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] Feels defeating when not asking to share feelings
|
||||
- [ ] Held against her the disparity how often we share our feeling when not in her control
|
||||
- [ ] Important to ask to share to set up for success
|
||||
- [ ] Given same opportunity to drop into framework and feel successful
|
||||
- [ ] Able to share feelings
|
||||
- [ ] Not saying it’s not on her to try and be mindful and drop in if possible
|
||||
- [ ] Since last time we talk not a single time I’ve asked to talk
|
||||
- [ ] She does it
|
||||
- [ ] Would appreciate it if need to ask for a break not after I’ve said something triggering
|
||||
- [ ] Feels frustrating
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] Trying to get ready and out the door kept asking for
|
||||
- [ ] It falls to wayside
|
||||
- [ ] If she is upset I do it once or twice
|
||||
- [ ] Makes her feel like a team
|
||||
- [ ] If she sees me not helping it’s a lot of mental load on her
|
||||
- [ ] Me telling her she got to talk with her friends she can still be in a deficit
|
||||
- [ ] She got to talk to friends but wasn’t without the kids
|
||||
- [ ] She did all the lead up work
|
||||
- [ ] Looking at one small moment instead of the overall picture
|
||||
- [ ] She is still worn down try and understand that
|
||||
- [ ] Not for me to decide when she feels burnt out
|
||||
- [ ] Overall looking at what she has going on
|
||||
- [ ] Hurtful comment about switching over laundry
|
||||
- [ ] She feels like mental load of collecting the laundry and the whole process is on her
|
||||
- [ ] Often the stuff she does is invisible Tupperware cupboard and other things
|
||||
- [ ] She ended up doing it anyways even tho it was a joke bc it wasn’t done before she went to bed
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] Overall not wanting to harp on all these things
|
||||
- [ ] Just understand how your feeling
|
||||
- [ ] She has been agitated and frustrated lately but a reason for that
|
||||
- [ ] Tried to let me know tired and worn down
|
||||
- [ ] Gone for a very long time
|
||||
- [ ] Plans changed bc of Covid
|
||||
- [ ] Asked to plan a date night / bday dinner
|
||||
- [ ] But honestly don’t feel as important as Pokémon stuff going on
|
||||
- [ ] Don’t feel like I’ve put in effort got lessen burden and appreciated
|
||||
- [ ] Loved and special to me
|
||||
- [ ] Since I’ve been home community days and streaming
|
||||
- [ ] Before I left CD I did
|
||||
- [ ] Didn’t get help I said I was going to do and give her help at cottage
|
||||
- [ ] Looking for more from me right now
|
||||
- [ ] Didn’t plan a day to go over Hiroshima pictures
|
||||
- [ ] She thinks she has been understanding of all events going on
|
||||
- [ ] Me not being here and all the summer things
|
||||
- [ ] I’m still doing streaming and CD things she is left holding the bag
|
||||
- [ ] Feels taken advantage of from the fam right now
|
||||
- [ ] All the little things she gives up like her online job
|
||||
- [ ] All these little micro concessions she gives up for our family are never seen or acknowledged
|
||||
- [ ] Would feel really nice to feel like some effort was put in to show her I appreciate her
|
||||
- [ ] I care and love her
|
||||
- [ ] Don’t think the time and effort I put into Pokémon stuff is equal to what I do for her
|
||||
- [ ] This isn’t coming out of no where it’s been happening for a while
|
||||
- [ ] A simple thank you goes a long way
|
||||
- [ ] Thing from 2-5 when she asked if I enjoyed it my first thought was combative not gratitude
|
||||
- [ ] Didn’t check the calendar
|
||||
- [ ] Didn’t say thanks for that time…
|
||||
- [ ] She usually prompts afterwards asking how it went
|
||||
- [ ] She is feeling very broken down right now needs help building back up
|
||||
- [ ] It’s exhausting fighting all the time
|
||||
- [ ] If her bucket is bone dry how is she supposed to listen especially when not asked
|
||||
- [ ] At the end of the day she wants want to feel cared for
|
||||
- [ ] She things you do things daily to show me she cares for me like making breakfast or buying shorts
|
||||
- [ ] Would be really nice to feel family has her back when she needs it
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
-
|
||||
- [x] Actions
|
||||
- [ ] <b><i><u>Mor</u></i></b><b><i><u>e</u></i></b> <b><i><u>effort</u></i></b> <b><i><u>into s</u></i></b><b><i><u>howing</u></i></b> <b><i><u>I love</u></i></b> <b><i><u>and care</u></i></b> <b><i><u>for he</u></i></b><b><i><u>r</u></i></b>
|
||||
- [ ] <b><i><u>More g</u></i></b><b><i><u>rati</u></i></b><b><i><u>tude</u></i></b> <b><i><u>for</u></i></b> <b><i><u>things she</u></i></b> <b><i><u>does</u></i></b>
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] An opportunity to look at and understand it
|
||||
- [ ] Thought she was being clear she needs more from me
|
||||
- [ ] Making it clear and plain the expectation
|
||||
- [ ] Sucks when I don’t come to the realization and she has to point it out
|
||||
- [ ] She doesn’t want to fight anymore
|
||||
- [ ] Want to break cycle of bickering with each other
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,46 @@
|
||||
- [ ] She has been feeling unsupported and unprioritized and lonely since before I left for California
|
||||
- [ ] Supported and prioritized looks like:
|
||||
- [ ] Planning something special for us to do together - just the two of us
|
||||
- [ ] Only goal was spending time together
|
||||
- [ ] Feeling supported means her feeling safe to make mistakes and that I will be kind
|
||||
- [ ] Feeling supported looks like if there are household chores we are doing to not remind me multiple times
|
||||
- [ ] Makes her feel like she is still needing to attend to it
|
||||
- [ ] Explained I kept thinking about it and feel shameful about it
|
||||
- [ ] Doesn’t change how she feels or feels unsupported when that happens
|
||||
- [ ] Feeling supported looks like she is safe to drop something and I am there to pick it up
|
||||
- [ ] Not waking us up every morning
|
||||
- [ ] When she comes home it’s not a disaster
|
||||
- [ ] When she comes home nothing is done
|
||||
- [ ] After work hours when she has went places in the evening and she comes home and they were not done
|
||||
- [ ] All these things weigh heavy on her that she can’t miss anything bc I won’t catch it
|
||||
- [ ] She feels like she has been left to do a lot for the house and the kids while I have been distracted by other things and it has been really hard
|
||||
- [ ] She feels like the work she does for our family goes unappreciated and unnoticed
|
||||
- [ ] She feels there have been many times where she is hurt by the way that I talk to her
|
||||
- [ ] She feels sad about how I have been bringing things up the last week and she has asked to set her up a bit before and ask or be kind when bringing it up and it doesn’t feel like that has been considered or done
|
||||
- [ ] She feels lonely and isolated
|
||||
- [ ] She feels uncared for
|
||||
- [ ] She feels off
|
||||
- [ ] She doesn’t feel like she has been supported in that when she lets me know she is struggling
|
||||
- [ ] She is feeling resentful for the weight of responsibility she carries for our family
|
||||
- [ ] And she feels deeply hurt and sad by how she is treated when we are upset or frustrated
|
||||
- [ ] Put the kids in this statement as the kids are modelling my behaviour and how I act around her
|
||||
- [ ] Looking for me to actively help and actively be more present
|
||||
- [ ] So we can do it TOGETHER
|
||||
- [ ] emphasized together as it’s important
|
||||
- [ ] She sees a direct connection in how I treat her and how they treat her especially Charlie
|
||||
- [ ] They learn from me on how it is acceptable to talk to her and treat her
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] She doesn’t feel like there is anyone in the family looking out for her or taking care of her
|
||||
- [ ] It hit her yesterday how much stress she is carrying and how she can be treated by me when she felt sick to her stomach when she needed to drive on Sunningdale road yesterday
|
||||
- [ ] Sunningdale road is where I was driving with the kids erratically when I was angry with her
|
||||
- [ ] Where I was driving two different times while “screaming” at her
|
||||
|
||||
Action items
|
||||
- [ ] Start setting alarms again for the morning to get up and be ready to help
|
||||
- [ ] Start setting reminders for laundry and other chores to get done throughout the week
|
||||
- [ ] Make todo lists for when Christina is leaving to make sure those are accomplished when she gets home
|
||||
- [ ] Set some reminders to plan events monthly
|
||||
- [ ] Reminders on Sunday to clean bathroom multiple times
|
||||
Make alarms not able to be turned off and throughout the week. Set ones for weekend as well
|
||||
|
||||
Felt heard out, action items were good based on the curiosity I used to ask further questions based on her comments
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,14 @@
|
||||
#Christina #Feelings -
|
||||
- [ ] Feeling really over burned and unappreciated right now
|
||||
- [ ] Taken on the kids birthday gifts, party, lawn care as well as all household responsibilities
|
||||
- [ ] Feels like efforts in this have been unnoticed
|
||||
- [ ] Askin for help and being more present but not feeling like I’m doing that
|
||||
- [ ] Leading to her feeling burnt out not getting enough support
|
||||
- [ ] Really hurt last night joking it was her turn to plan for date night bc I booked tickets and paid for dinner
|
||||
- [ ] Already feel like she is drowning in responsibilities
|
||||
- [ ] So to not get credit for things she had done was very upsetting
|
||||
- [ ] Would have felt so good to hear thanks for planning this date night or something. About it was awesome
|
||||
- [ ] Or say I enjoyed the time with her
|
||||
- [ ] So what I thought was a joke was a crippling burden to her
|
||||
- [ ] Which then leads into me saying I feel envious of her ability to remember things
|
||||
- [ ] Makes her think I don’t understand how much she carries
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,33 @@
|
||||
- [ ] Concerned by responses to her and how much she is at fault
|
||||
- [ ] She is not my opponent she is meant to be my teammate
|
||||
- [ ] Feeling defeated and exhausted
|
||||
- [ ] Feel like no effort is acknowledged and negatives are brought up often
|
||||
- [ ] Feeling beaten down by how her perceived failings are being brought an up in most of our convos
|
||||
- [ ] Feel scared to make a mistake or have a miscommunication with me
|
||||
- [ ] Need to feel kindness and grace when making a mistake
|
||||
- [ ] Try to learn and grow with me but it is difficult when things can change so rapidly
|
||||
- [ ] Feel like every thing can be. Fine and then the first sign of friction I get frustrated and she gets talked to crappily
|
||||
- [ ] Tone body language and actual words that are hurtful when I’m frustrated
|
||||
- [ ] Keep trying to move past it when I apologize but it continues to keep happening
|
||||
- [ ] One example that she is hurt by was her forgetting to email about the stimara magnets
|
||||
- [ ] From her perspectives she apologizes and offered a solution but it seemed nothing was good enough and she couldn’t stop getting “hit” with things she was doing wrong - hits keep on coming
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] That convo felt verbally abusive
|
||||
- [ ] I was berating her and no matter how much she apologized I kept bringing up things she was doing wrong
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] She doesn’t feel safe to take the time and space to heal when it gets pointed out that she is distancing herself from me
|
||||
- [ ] She does this to protect her mental health and show up for the kids
|
||||
- [ ] She is still concerned for me and thinks it would be helpful to speak to a therapist or doctor because the way I spiral after a miscommunication or something triggers me is scary to her
|
||||
- [ ] She feels scared by my reactions to her
|
||||
- [ ] Ask about taking an audio recording when I am upset and not sure how hurtful I can be
|
||||
- [ ] Hurts when I say I’m doing nothing for you in the middle of a conversation
|
||||
- [ ] She doesn’t feel it’s fair to bring it up in a convo without first asking to share feelings or that there is something I want to talk about
|
||||
- [ ] Things like why are we even together and I’m doing nothing for you will always be hurtful when said outside framework convo
|
||||
|
||||
The level I feel the frustration feels disproportionate to the actual thing
|
||||
|
||||
She can’t have her life fall apart for a week if she misses an opportunity to be curious
|
||||
|
||||
Shouldn’t lead to a week of crap as it’s always going to happen
|
||||
|
||||
It seems as soon as I’m frustrated she isn’t the partner anymore but an enemy
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,10 @@
|
||||
- [ ] Yesterday morning made her feel again like I want her to feel as bad as possible while apologizing
|
||||
- [ ] The analogy with blood in the water still feels very real
|
||||
- [ ] Feels she came with a genuine apology and listened to and addressed individual concerns but the complaints did not stop
|
||||
- [ ] It was that she doubled down, saying again I’m sorry that she should not have deflected initially and that she didn’t ask to apologize
|
||||
- [ ] Feels really defeating when she is acknowledging when she is in the wrong to feel like I’m making sure she feels terrible and no grace when she makes a mistake
|
||||
- [ ] Especially hurtful bc she wishes that she would get genuine apologies from me outside of the framework or her needing to breakdown completely
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
#Christina
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,22 @@
|
||||
- [ ] How things went last night with Alice
|
||||
- [ ] Want to save after school time as decompression time
|
||||
- [ ] After school need time to relax
|
||||
- [ ] Without demands of cleaning
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] Few mornings ago
|
||||
- [ ] Feels like it would have been an opportunity to have genuine understanding and remorse for the way I talk to her
|
||||
- [ ] Interrupted so many times no longer wanted to talk
|
||||
- [ ] Response to not want to talk was … great
|
||||
- [ ] When asked to be mindful of words going forward as me saying great was tone deaf and upsetting in response she answered she just did t want to speak
|
||||
- [ ] When she said that I said it was sarcastic and not tone deaf and that she were trying to share her feelings
|
||||
- [ ] She was not just simply asking to be mindful of my words
|
||||
- [ ] Often combat her when trying to bring something to my attention instead of trying to listen and make her feel heard
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] Overall she is feeling really not great about way she been treated by me lately
|
||||
- [ ] Last two weeks in particular have been really hard for her
|
||||
- [ ] Been stressful with work and the kids birthdays and no appreciation or recognition
|
||||
- [ ] To top it off made her feel like garbage most times I talked to her
|
||||
- [ ] When she needed me to build her up and support her I just made everything harder for her
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
#Christina
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,32 @@
|
||||
- [ ] She says she is sorry for not tuning into feelings earlier this morning
|
||||
- [ ] Sees that I was trying to share something. That was upsetting me and didn’t give time it deserved
|
||||
- [ ] She can try in the future to ask if I want to share my feelings and use the framework
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] She was feeling defensive this morning because she didn’t feel like her answer was good enough
|
||||
- [ ] I asked if there was room for my plate in the dish washer
|
||||
- [ ] She answered no she didn’t see any
|
||||
- [ ] I then said I saw some and it makes me feel unimportant or overlooked
|
||||
- [ ] Made her feel badgered bc she already gave a full answer to question
|
||||
- [ ] She moved things around in the dish washer and in sink so she thought it was full
|
||||
- [ ] This whole interaction started by interrupting what she was doing at the sink
|
||||
- [ ] When she let me know she needed to get back to and and that she was being interrupted I told her to watch her words and that I didnt interrupt her
|
||||
- [ ] There was no attention given to words she was saying initially
|
||||
- [ ] She had to walk it back to let me know when I came in her back was turned and
|
||||
- [ ] She has asked to not have that happen
|
||||
- [ ] She is getting very frustrated by mental load she carries for family
|
||||
- [ ] She is constantly expected to be multitasking no matter what she is doing it is ok to come and pile more onto here
|
||||
- [ ] It’s exhausting and upsetting
|
||||
- [ ] Even in the mornings been standing in the kitchen when she is on the couch saying when she has a second can we talk. That is interrupting and halts her in what she is doing
|
||||
- [ ] What we agreed on was waiting till she looks up or waving or talking
|
||||
- [ ] Last few mornings this has not been done
|
||||
- [ ] Need me and the kids to both respect when she is busy or otherwise occupied
|
||||
- [ ] Lastly if I can please ask or say I need to speak plain to share feelings it would be very helpful as several things were hurtful and made her feel bad
|
||||
- [ ] Telling her I am apologizing so that we don’t. Have to have a deeper conversation or that she is hooking her claws into something. Or she is vehemently pursuing something. When not just phrased I’m speaking plain is very hurtful
|
||||
- [ ] She realize she could also ask but she didn’t
|
||||
- [ ] Was feeling flustered and frustrated by way with convo about dishwasher went
|
||||
- [ ] A lot of it could be avoided if I respected that you were doing. Something.
|
||||
- [ ] ESP if deeper convo about feelings should have been asked for
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
#Christina
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,17 @@
|
||||
- [ ] Interacting with me this morning she felt unsupported and disrespected
|
||||
- [ ] Didn’t feel I listened when she said she was trying to make a coffee
|
||||
- [ ] Said it was something you were looking for
|
||||
- [ ] It feels really shitty to be argued with when your trying to advocate for your mental health
|
||||
- [ ] Don’t feel like time and energy doing a task is respected
|
||||
- [ ] ESP since she been saying she is overstimulated and need less demands on her attention
|
||||
- [ ] When I scoffed or laughed when the turn about fair play was said instead of quit pro quo was cruel and really hurt her feelings
|
||||
- [ ] Was in the process of correcting herself so to laughed at felt awful
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] Ask when she is available. Don’t think mom is available right now maybe try again when she isn’t busy
|
||||
- [ ] Teaching opportunity for me to model for the kids respecting her space and time.
|
||||
- [ ] Not just me but the kids call mum
|
||||
- [ ] Helping them notice when your not available
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
#Christina
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,56 @@
|
||||
- [ ] Still feel unresolved from the conversation from two days ago in the morning
|
||||
- [ ] Feel confused by my reaction to her sharing
|
||||
- [ ] Based on previous conversations where she specifically asked or checking if i am not prepared to hear feelings
|
||||
- [ ] I understood and agreed to this
|
||||
- [ ] So when I asked why does her face look like that her understanding was I was able to listen to what she was going to share
|
||||
- [ ] She is upset about how the convo went yesterday morning
|
||||
- [ ] She asked if I was able to listen and I asked what it was about, she thought she briefly told me and I affirmed it was ok
|
||||
- [ ] She let me know it wasn’t feelings based
|
||||
- [ ] She was trying to do the things I asked for in owning what she could
|
||||
- [ ] She interpreted me taking notes as making myself better available to listen
|
||||
- [ ] She feels really unloved by me when I am frustrated or think I have made a mistake
|
||||
- [ ] Feel exhausted and overwhelmed by many facets of life right now and she doesn’t feel like I support her in the way she need or deserve
|
||||
- [ ] She is so sad and so tired by recent interactions
|
||||
- [ ] So many moments, holidays, memories have been “ruined” by us fighting
|
||||
- [ ] She wants more for her and the kids than the tension and them seeing her cry all the time
|
||||
- [ ] She is hurt by the way she was talked to the past few days
|
||||
- [ ] It seemed very negative towards her efforts harsh and unkind
|
||||
- [ ] For example what a crazy world that it hasn’t been five seconds or her saying appreciation is never a bad thing and I say she has to earn respect to get respect
|
||||
- [ ] Lastly she is frustrated that she can be held so responsible for interrupting me two nights ago
|
||||
- [ ] She apologized and owned it
|
||||
- [ ] And it gets brought up and thrown in her face like outside the store
|
||||
- [ ] Yet I interrupted her yesterday and I say sorry and moved on
|
||||
- [ ] It feels really unfair
|
||||
- [ ] It makes her feel unloved that I can be so unkind when things are not totally calm
|
||||
- [ ] This is not a new thing that she has been asking for grace when she makes a mistake
|
||||
- [ ] She is hurt and scared by my responses when I am frustrated or upset with her
|
||||
- [ ] The way things happened yesterday and the way that I talked to her scared her and reminded her of how I was on Easter weekend
|
||||
- [ ] From where she is at I haven’t resolved that with her
|
||||
- [ ] Or earned back her trust that I can be in control of my emotions or I can be safe
|
||||
|
||||
What’s needed to resolve two days ago convo
|
||||
- [ ] Need to go back and read what she shared with me
|
||||
- [ ] Convo was side tracked and I asked for a break
|
||||
- [ ] Her feeling unloved
|
||||
|
||||
Earning back trust
|
||||
- [ ] Doesn’t know how can earn it back
|
||||
- [ ] Besides how I decide to treat her going forward
|
||||
- [ ] When mistakes happen
|
||||
- [ ] Not asking to share
|
||||
- [ ] Not being curious
|
||||
- [ ] Interrupting
|
||||
- [ ] How we go forward in that together and how I treat her afterwards
|
||||
|
||||
Action items
|
||||
- [ ] Make sure when asking what is up to be prepared for all feelings or whatever is on her mind
|
||||
- [ ] Put a stop to convo if I haven’t actually agreed to it
|
||||
- [ ] When mistakes happen she needs me to be kind and give grace
|
||||
- [ ] Being shared to and not in a place to listen let her know to stop it resume later
|
||||
- [ ] Fix the way I respond to her when angry or mad - working on lessening resentment from previous interactions and work on the one interaction right now
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
Other talks:
|
||||
- [ ] Wish I had let her know I wasn’t good to listen yesterday
|
||||
- [ ] Don’t let it continue (placing onus on me to stop this…)
|
||||
- [ ] She can check in more and ask if still good to listen
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,37 @@
|
||||
- [ ] It really upset her this morning when I had said at the first opportunity she hasn’t done any of the things we were talked about doing. Or not doing the things we said we would do
|
||||
- [ ] She thinks we have had a pretty good two weeks where we both have been leaning into each other and there are multiple instances of us doing what we said we would do to help each other
|
||||
- [ ] It’s incredibly defeating and hurtful to hear me say that
|
||||
- [ ] It brings up the feeling that she is only as good as her most recent mistake and that she can’t miss an opportunity to do something that I would prefer
|
||||
- [ ] It could have been brought up in a much different way to just let her know I would I have appreciate her bringing up what I wanted from the conversation before starting it with me
|
||||
- [ ] After that she was crying and really hurt by what I had said
|
||||
- [ ] I was talking at her
|
||||
- [ ] When she asked for a break - interrupting me
|
||||
- [ ] I chose to let her know two things I brought up she had done wrong in asking for the break over respecting the ask for the break
|
||||
- [ ] It was never her understanding that she had to let me know ahead of time why she needed a break
|
||||
- [ ] Her understanding is that it is helpful in the future if she was able to do it
|
||||
- [ ] This morning she was not able to do that she just needed a break because she was very upset and didn’t want to be talked at
|
||||
|
||||
Her perspective on these statements even tho some of them were asserting statements or absolute statements
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] Hurt and sad sharing with me downstairs
|
||||
- [ ] Didn’t seem like I tried to reach out or care for her after how she was made to feel
|
||||
- [ ] Sad and hurt
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] She was feeling hurt because it didn’t seem like she was being cared for. She shared that she was hurt and she wanted to feel cared for like she has been for me when I’m upset. Even when it s difficult for her when she is sad or feel wronged not leaving her high and dry when she can see that I am really upset.
|
||||
- [ ] She was hoping by for a little bit of care and attention after she shared how she was feeling this morning.
|
||||
- [ ] She wanted to feel like I saw that she was upset and would trying to make her feel better
|
||||
- [ ] Based on response upstairs she said it didn’t matter
|
||||
- [ ] Response: if she just wanted to share her feelings and based on tone of voice she didn’t want to reach out anymore
|
||||
- [ ] She was sad and wanted to feel cared for
|
||||
|
||||
Action item: make sure to check and see if she is done sharing before stop taking notes
|
||||
|
||||
Going forward I would like to improve on:
|
||||
|
||||
- asking for breaks, if either of us asks for a break the conversation stops. We do not bring up what is unfortunate or what could have been done differently in asking for the break.
|
||||
|
||||
- please avoid the phrase "at the first opportunity you didn't you any of the things you said you would do"
|
||||
I would like to hear what I can improve on but I would appreciate it being said with more kindness and understanding. This phrasing makes me feel defeated.
|
||||
|
||||
- If I say " can you please validate what I said?" This is me asking for what I need from the conversation and I need it to be respected
|
||||
(If you think of alternate wording for me to use please let me know)
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,44 @@
|
||||
- [ ] Explaining why she didn’t ask questions this morning and just assumed things when I wrote in discord
|
||||
- [ ] She was feeling anxious this morning
|
||||
- [ ] She was in her own head overthinking wanting to do the right thing to help me
|
||||
- [ ] She was anxious that she was bothering me and that I didn’t want to talk to her
|
||||
- [ ] So she was acknowledging my feelings in the format I set out without burdening me with her presence
|
||||
- [ ] Yes I have said I would never be bothered by her asking. That doesn’t stop the swirling thoughts she has or the mental gymnastics of overthinking she does
|
||||
- [ ] She wishes I would stop saying it’s as simple as asking or that she would just be curious
|
||||
- [ ] For her it’s not always simple or easy or as obvious as it is to me
|
||||
- [ ] She doesn’t want to feel shame when she gets it wrong
|
||||
- [ ] She understands it’s important and she wants to meet this need for me
|
||||
- [ ] Sure it’s only been two times and to her it was progress and she was proud of until today
|
||||
- [ ] It’s not that she sees the answer of oh be curious and then go left and do something else
|
||||
- [ ] That is one of 100 things swirling around in her brain in those moments when she is feeling anxious
|
||||
- [ ] Yes some of that is past trauma from me lashing out
|
||||
- [ ] She also is an over thinker by nature
|
||||
- [ ] I have mentioned this before asking a question and she comes up with an answer and then other answers after
|
||||
- [ ] Feels like always trying to be mentally over prepared
|
||||
- [ ] She understands now and she will try her best when I write something in the discord chat, she will ask if I want to talk or if I am able to talk
|
||||
- [ ] This morning is new and she got in her head about it and got anxious
|
||||
- [ ] What yesterday afternoon felt like for you
|
||||
- [ ] She understand that I perceived the situation as urgent and I didn’t think to turn off the stove and needed to get your attention
|
||||
- [ ] Sorry for snapping
|
||||
- [ ] Sorry for not listening
|
||||
- [ ] She was trying to do multiple things down stairs
|
||||
- [ ] Hearing me call her name multiple times was pulling her out of what she was trying to read down stairs and was frustrating bc I was interrupting something she was doing
|
||||
- [ ] So she couldn’t get back upstairs and tend to dinner
|
||||
- [ ] We have previously agreed on not calling through the house multiple times and it was frustrating and disrespectful of her time
|
||||
- [ ] She had her arms full of Chromebook, papers and a stack of laundry
|
||||
- [ ] She was focusing on getting up the stairs without dropping or falling
|
||||
- [ ] When I popped up at the top of the stairs it startled her
|
||||
- [ ] It made her feel overwhelmed that she was being pulled in too many directions
|
||||
- [ ] She then went into the kitchen to see what was going on with the pasta
|
||||
- [ ] Still feeling overwhelmed and startled and then needed to navigate what my intentions were without asking
|
||||
- [ ] While she was visibly overstimulated breathing heavy trying to get her bearings
|
||||
- [ ] Felt disrespectful and her emotional needs were not being considered to get her feet under her
|
||||
- [ ] She is human and she is going to make mistakes, going to be short tempered and snap
|
||||
- [ ] She understands saying what the way she did was rude
|
||||
- [ ] She felt extremely overburdened in that moment.
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
Actions:
|
||||
- [ ] Look for you in the house to get your attention even if I perceive it’s an emergency
|
||||
- [ ] Try and give you more grace as you have asked before
|
||||
- [ ] Or. Just leave it be and let whatever was going to happen happen
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,26 @@
|
||||
- [ ] She feels worthless by the way I talk to her when frustrated
|
||||
- [ ] She is afraid to make small mistakes or have a miscommunication with me
|
||||
- [ ] Cause of how the whole energy shifts
|
||||
- [ ] When I’m frustrated
|
||||
- [ ] Instead of a productive conversation it becomes her getting blamed or me saying hurtful things
|
||||
- [ ] Feel like she is only as good as her last mistake
|
||||
- [ ] Feel like not matter how hard she tries or how much she does it gets obliterated at the slightest sign of frustration
|
||||
- [ ] She is exhausted and defeated when things go from being totally fine between us to hostile and tense instantly
|
||||
- [ ] It felt terrible yesterday to have a panic attack and not be able to breath as a result of a conversation on where to sit on the couch
|
||||
- [ ] It didn’t need to be that way I could have been kind, I could have not interrupted her and tried to figure it out with me
|
||||
- [ ] There was no ill intent there seemed like just a difference of view points
|
||||
- [ ] She fully intended to sit with me
|
||||
- [ ] Don’t know how it can go from good to shit in 4 seconds
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] Thoughts and emotions are spiralling right now
|
||||
- [ ] It feels like complete shit to not be worth the time or energy to clarify something with me before getting frustrated
|
||||
- [ ] Continued mistreatment by me when I’m frustrated
|
||||
|
||||
Why couldn’t I be patient and wait to ask to sit with her
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] Wanted to feel heard and seen from this conversation
|
||||
- [ ] Didn’t sit with and try and understand it
|
||||
- [ ] See what she was sharing with me
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] Doesn’t mean there isn’t something she could improve on
|
||||
- [ ] Sit wit that and it be enough
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,7 @@
|
||||
- [ ] It’s really frustrating for me to tell her I’m not going to fall asleep and that I have an alarm set
|
||||
- [ ] Then to come home and find me asleep when I needed to be picking up Charlie
|
||||
- [ ] She feels scared and anxious that things are not going to happen that the kids need
|
||||
- [ ] She feels angry that she feels like she can’t depend on me, especially when she has a lot on her plate and has been alone with the kids
|
||||
- [ ] She was already feeling anxious before she left. Which is why she asked if I was going to be falling asleep or had an alarm set
|
||||
- [ ] Coming home to find me asleep only confirmed that she has a reason to be anxious
|
||||
- [ ] It is exhausting and overwhelming when she feels she needs to be on top of everything
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,13 @@
|
||||
- [ ] The reason she rolled her eyes when I was saying normally don’t freak out about things is because literally is what she was trying to say g to let me know what her experience is
|
||||
- [ ] She can make a little mistake like saying she has space to come behind and get socks and be made to feel like complete garbage by body language and tone of voice
|
||||
- [ ] That is her reality like I freak out for little things
|
||||
- [ ] She was feeling particularly sensitive this morning with other emotional things going on so to have that response about her grabbing socks felt really bad
|
||||
- [ ] She feels she did acknowledge what I was saying and said sorry for making me feel rushed. She was t wanting it to be contentious just grabbing socks and when she realized she didn’t have space backed up and waited
|
||||
- [ ] Like she was saying in the bedroom the tone of voice or body language and how that makes people feel
|
||||
- [ ] She felt dismissed when I said I normally don’t freak out because that’s what it feels like if something frustrates me
|
||||
- [ ] She could use a little more patience and more kindness right now
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
Actions
|
||||
- [ ] More patience when something happens I don’t like
|
||||
- [ ] Try and understand where you are coming from before responding
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,12 @@
|
||||
- [ ] Frustrated her original question was not answered this morning
|
||||
- [ ] Her question was answered with a question
|
||||
- [ ] She is sad her words did not seem to be acknowledged when she was talking to me
|
||||
- [ ] She wants to feel what she has to share is important and valuable to me
|
||||
- [ ] She is sad that her attempts to be curious and gain insight were not successful
|
||||
- [ ] She is disappointed and angry that her ask for a break was not respected
|
||||
- [ ] She is tired and depleted right now with household responsibilities and emotional regulation of others
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] As per last conversation the conversation stops when a break is asked for
|
||||
|
||||
Actions
|
||||
- [ ] Make sure to remove myself from the area we were talking in immediately after a break is asked for - help with asking not to slam doors and just remove any possibility of interaction
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,12 @@
|
||||
- [ ] Felt frustrated last night at my response wanting me to be present and kind
|
||||
- [ ] That would mean everything to her right now with the place she is in
|
||||
- [ ] Felt overwhelming to give me tangible items to build her up
|
||||
- [ ] She meant what she said that she resents needing to tell me what to do to repair the damage I have caused
|
||||
- [ ] It might not be easy but she is worth the thought and effort to figure out what she would appreciate or enjoy from me
|
||||
- [ ] At times she is feeling drained sad and upset when talking to me
|
||||
- [ ] She wants to feel special and cherished
|
||||
- [ ] She feels happy when things are good but then anxious when a miscommunication happens and then dread the shit spiral that often follows
|
||||
- [ ] She feels defeated and unsuccessful when I am frustrated that what ever path she chooses will be the wrong one
|
||||
|
||||
Action items:
|
||||
- [ ] Look to build Christina up through actions and thoughtful things
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,16 @@
|
||||
- [ ] Feeling frustrated by the way I came and took over what she was doing with the kids
|
||||
- [ ] I said I was not trying to white knight her but advocate for the kids but that’s not what I did
|
||||
- [ ] It felt like I interrupted the game with the kids
|
||||
- [ ] I asked them how they play the game in the middle of what the instructions said
|
||||
- [ ] I did not advocate for the kids or say I didn’t like how she was talking to them or that it seemed frustrating
|
||||
- [ ] Any of those things would seem like I was advocating for them
|
||||
- [ ] But what I did was come over and ask how they play the game which was talking over her trying to figure out how to play the game and completely halted what she was doing
|
||||
- [ ] Was very frustrating and disrespectful how that interaction happened
|
||||
- [ ] It’s especially frustrating when I’m on my phone in the kitchen so I missed some of what happened to start out with and the way Alice was talking to her
|
||||
- [ ] In the future it would feel very respectful to ask if she wants help figuring out a game with the kids
|
||||
- [ ] Or to just advocate and say that I don’t appreciate how she is talking to them
|
||||
|
||||
Goal:
|
||||
- [ ] Use the mentioned above techniques to advocate for the kids as asked
|
||||
|
||||
Would have been nice to come play since I had been away from them for the weekend.
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,16 @@
|
||||
- [ ] Felt disrespected yesterday with the way I was saying not my problem
|
||||
- [ ] Seemed like she was being mimicked or mocked from something she had said last week and it was said 2-3 times
|
||||
- [ ] Felt frustrated when she let me know something. She needed from me or something that would help and my response was that isn’t not my problem or that I’m not going to do it or I have done it before and it didn’t help
|
||||
- [ ] Which she doesn’t believe was even true because the situation I brought up and her response was a totally different situation
|
||||
- [ ] Not entering into a convo asking to not talk to me or hey can you not do this
|
||||
- [ ] Either way makes her feel exhausted and uncared for when she is letting me know things that would help her and she is being met with multiple points of resistance
|
||||
- [ ] Overall she feels like she is putting in the effort for reconciliation or reconnection but she doesn’t feel particularly cared for right now
|
||||
- [ ] She feels like her emotional asks and needs are not important
|
||||
|
||||
Exhausted and overburdened regulating everyone in their house
|
||||
Doesn’t feel like time or energy for her emotional regulation or needs
|
||||
No one is in her corner when she is having a hard time
|
||||
|
||||
Talk to Christina about why she might be feeling this way
|
||||
- Punching bag for those around her
|
||||
- -
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,29 @@
|
||||
- [ ] Feeling sad when I mentioned yesterday that I thought we were ok before our convo in the morning
|
||||
- [ ] She wasn’t ok yesterday morning
|
||||
- [ ] It was yesterday afternoon I was upset and not feeling heard and that’s when I said we were in a Good place
|
||||
- [ ] She were feeling upset overwhelmed and frustrated
|
||||
- [ ] Maybe that played a factor in how convo about Charlie went and her feeling overburdened with everything
|
||||
- [ ] Leading up to the convo she was sad feeling exhausted and broken down and worthless
|
||||
- [ ] I was sitting on the couch on my phone and maybe I didn’t notice
|
||||
- [ ] We talked Sunday night but the hurt doesn’t go away when she is treated that way
|
||||
- [ ] She is still working through that
|
||||
- [ ] She is feeling Defeated and worthless by how she was treated Sunday at the mall
|
||||
- [ ] Exhausted from hearing how negatively I see the things she does
|
||||
- [ ] Defeated from trying to avoid land mines that she didn’t even know existed
|
||||
- [ ] Which is me being upset about things she didn’t say or scenarios that didn’t exist to her
|
||||
- [ ] Feeling extremely beyond exhausted and beat down from this emotional rollercoaster
|
||||
|
||||
When she feels beaten down at the mall and a panicked attack in a public space
|
||||
Lashing out and how I was talking to her
|
||||
Sticks with her
|
||||
Really degrades how she feels about herself
|
||||
It’s embarrassing it’s shitty
|
||||
Hates that the kids have to see that
|
||||
Hate that it affects an outing with the kids
|
||||
So when she got home was able to share how she was feeling and then I got to share
|
||||
|
||||
She is still healing come Monday morning
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
Actions
|
||||
- [ ] Working on expressing myself to not ‘lash out’ at Christina and a way I can feel heard
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,27 @@
|
||||
- [ ] Feeling overwhelmed with how much emotional regulation she does for our family
|
||||
- [ ] Feel exhausted how much she tries to do on a daily basis
|
||||
- [ ] Feel overwhelmed and exhausted trying to improve to support what I need from our relationship while being emotionally depleted and unsupported herself
|
||||
- [ ] Feel resentful that the weight of emotional regulation falls to her to change things
|
||||
- [ ] Continue to be concerned and hurt by my responses to her When I am frustrated or irritated. It’s a constant rollercoaster of emotions for her
|
||||
- [ ] Feel unsupported with her own emotional needs
|
||||
- [ ] Feel like she can’t make a mistake or do something that frustrates me
|
||||
- [ ] Feel sad how she is talked to when she is frustrated
|
||||
- [ ] She was sad and crying at east side Mario’s because she felt defeated in talking to me
|
||||
- [ ] She was hurt by my tone of voice. Felt ignored in what she was sharing with me
|
||||
- [ ] Felt like everything she was doing was wrong
|
||||
- [ ] **trying to find a way to articulate how she was talked tot today
|
||||
- [ ] Does not feel like she is given grace
|
||||
- [ ] Feel like she can’t listen and be genuinely apologize and it’s not enough
|
||||
- [ ] She did apologize and do the things I said I was looking for today and it still wasn’t enough and she couldn’t get her feet under her
|
||||
- [ ] She feels like the ‘right’ way for her to talk is how I expect a conversation to go. Feel invisible. Don’t feel free to talk and express herself and have conversations with me in a way that feels natural to her and respects how she sees the world
|
||||
- [ ] If I decide there is a better way to say something that suites my needs better
|
||||
- [ ] Recent example is east side Mario’s . She asked a question and she was told it wasn’t the important thing she should be asking and she should have asked about the important decision I made
|
||||
- [ ] It’s exhausting to constantly fail at criteria she didn’t know was there
|
||||
|
||||
Connect with therapist like I said I would do
|
||||
|
||||
Don’t think what I said to dr vanderzswan was the whole picture
|
||||
|
||||
She tries to be there for me but it really weighs on me
|
||||
|
||||
My emotional highs and lows and then add on the kids
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,49 @@
|
||||
- [ ] Feeling in a worse mental place than she was before I left for Texas
|
||||
- [ ] Exhausted, hurt and sad
|
||||
- [ ] Don’t feel like she gets the support she needs to fall apart
|
||||
- [ ] Sunday she couldn’t breath and was offered no support to get the kids lunch and to get to curling
|
||||
- [ ] Felt abandoned at dads when Alice was being a jerk and she realized I was awake and aware of what she was doing
|
||||
- [ ] She was not ok mentally but she feels like she is always the default
|
||||
- [ ] There was no conversation I just left and was unavailable
|
||||
- [ ] Don’t feel like she can drop any burdens bc she doesn’t know if I will be there to pick them up
|
||||
- [ ] She is angry and disappointed at how conversations went last time on Feb 2nd
|
||||
- [ ] The framework was not followed she let me know she was angry and upset
|
||||
- [ ] During that conversation and there was no acknowledgment of that
|
||||
- [ ] I put my feelings and emotions into what she was sharing, I interrupted her and we’re saying things she asked for would not be an effective solution
|
||||
- [ ] After she asked for what she thought would be a possible solution
|
||||
|
||||
She would have loved a few minutes to pull myself together but she feels if she doesn’t do things they don’t happen
|
||||
|
||||
Can solve not being the default by actually showing up
|
||||
|
||||
Doesn’t feel like she can miss anything or drop anything
|
||||
|
||||
I asked what possible solutions were and she let me know.
|
||||
|
||||
She had to ask multiple times. Her being persistent to actually feel like I would look into it and do it
|
||||
|
||||
Was very defeating and very negative
|
||||
|
||||
It really hurts when I say i don’t think it will work when I haven’t tried and we have the benefits to cover it
|
||||
|
||||
If it might help would have been great to not meet resistance and give it a try
|
||||
|
||||
Especially since I said months ago it was something I was going to do
|
||||
|
||||
Broaching subjects someone else has commented on
|
||||
|
||||
Wait a couple hours and then bring it up then
|
||||
|
||||
Do you have time to talk more about x then let them decide
|
||||
|
||||
No tips or tricks on how to handle sending her a message after she has been aggressive towards me or made me feel like crap
|
||||
|
||||
I need a min to collect myself can you step in or some other form of communication
|
||||
|
||||
Some phrase or something else that can be said to tap the other person in
|
||||
|
||||
If able message someone else to tap in or talk with Christina
|
||||
|
||||
Can tap in now or some other statement
|
||||
|
||||
Acknowledge what the other person has done (not used when Christina might be the one making me feel a certain way)
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,53 @@
|
||||
- [ ] First off if she is sharing her feelings and I am asking to make an observation she would appreciate it being kept short and appreciate checking in to see if she is good along the way
|
||||
- [ ] She doesn’t appreciate the way I treated her or talked to her today
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] She is exhausted trying to meet the emotional needs of the kids and at this point she would rather not talk or interact with me
|
||||
- [ ] Just leaves her feeling terrible
|
||||
- [ ] She feels frustrated and sad that this continued resentment keeps being brought often into interactions
|
||||
- [ ] She can’t get out from underneath the weight of how frustrated I can be with you and how upset I am by it
|
||||
- [ ] I said I don’t know how to let it go or have it all come flooding back but she can’t keep doing this
|
||||
- [ ] She is exhausted
|
||||
- [ ] It doesn’t feel like there is space for her to need things or for me to take the lead and take care of her
|
||||
- [ ] She needs more than what she’s getting from me right now emotionally
|
||||
- [ ] She was looking forward to me going away this weekend because it’s emotionally more peaceful for her
|
||||
- [ ] Yes it’s harder and more work being the only parent and it’s exhausting but right now the relationship with me is exhausting too
|
||||
- [ ] Feel like she is second guessing everything she say and how it could be better for me
|
||||
- [ ] She gets lost along the way in what she needs or what she is feeling and her mattering
|
||||
- [ ] She can’t keep living with this resentment I keep bringing into interactions and it’s not fair
|
||||
- [ ] She is tired and she is sad
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
Clarifying questions
|
||||
- [ ] Did I mention resentment and where?
|
||||
- [ ] Me mentioning my resentment and it flooding back during convo over lunch and this mornings walk
|
||||
- [ ] It was in regards to the instagram post she sent
|
||||
- [ ] I seemed frustrated and she tied that to me being resentful and does not want to know why I was frustrated (my point of view)
|
||||
- [ ] I don’t remember saying these things but wanted to share what I was trying to say
|
||||
- [ ] Not in a place to listen to my feelings right now
|
||||
- [ ] Doesn’t feel comfortable and dread talking to me
|
||||
- [ ] One small thing can change things and the next day is shit
|
||||
- [ ] She is tired and she is sad
|
||||
- [ ] What does that mean for us in her mind
|
||||
- [ ] She doesn’t know
|
||||
- [ ] She doesn’t like the feeling of relief that I was going to be away that she was looking forward to me not being in the house because it would be easier emotionally for her
|
||||
- [ ] She needs to feel safe to make mistakes and not a lingering resentment hanging over her
|
||||
- [ ] She needs to feel safe with me and that I have her back when she needs it not make whatever situation she is in harder
|
||||
- [ ] She says she loves me and cares for me but she is feeling really beaten down right now
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] She is exhausted from feeling like garbage and she isn’t good enough and she can’t make mistakes
|
||||
- [ ] Smallest convo with me can go sideways and leads to friction and feeling emotionally unsafe around me for sometimes days
|
||||
- [ ] She can’t do it anymore
|
||||
- [ ] She can’t keep doing it and keep showing up for the kids the way they need
|
||||
- [ ] She has nothing left and don’t want to keep fighting to get a scrap of empathy or concern for her or for having her needs be important
|
||||
|
||||
Stems back to convo we have had for months and that’s how I treat her when I’m frustrated and how I treat her when things go an unexpected way for me
|
||||
- I think somethings going to happen and it’s different and how I treat her after
|
||||
- Generally unkind and not respectful
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
Actions
|
||||
- [ ] Keep observations short
|
||||
- [ ] Checking when making observations to make sure good to continue (still Christina’s time to talk and share feelings)
|
||||
- [ ] Take a step back and breath before answering in harder convos
|
||||
|
||||
She is feeling heard out and nothing else to share
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,30 @@
|
||||
- [ ] Feel sad at how negative the conversation in the car was towards her
|
||||
- [ ] Feel like she is drowning with how negative I can see her
|
||||
- [ ] No matter how much good she does she can be seen so negatively in an instant
|
||||
- [ ] She is angry that she was interrupted when I asked if she was ok
|
||||
- [ ] She was trying to answer in the context she was given
|
||||
- [ ] She feel disrespected by the response I gave her when she let me know she was just holding the handle
|
||||
- [ ] No acknowledgement of what she said just the response - when I am going around a corner at a speed you would deem unacceptable
|
||||
- [ ] She felt worthless and unloved in the car
|
||||
- [ ] Anything that she brought up had another layer of what she didn’t do or done differently
|
||||
- [ ] This morning her ask to have me listen felt unimportant
|
||||
- [ ] When I didn’t answer and instead asked my own question
|
||||
- [ ] She feel criticized that she sent a text asking if she could talk
|
||||
- [ ] She explained her reasoning and was given multiple reasons why that wasn’t ok
|
||||
- [ ] Eg we have previously stated texts are interrupting
|
||||
- [ ] But no acknowledgment of what she was sharing with me
|
||||
- [ ] During the conversation she asked again if I could listen now
|
||||
- [ ] I said yes and continued on with things we were talking about
|
||||
- [ ] Her asking if I could listen was an attempt to get back on track for the framework conversation she asked for twice
|
||||
- [ ] She feels sad and blamed by the way I spoke to her this morning
|
||||
- [ ] Feel unseen and unheard when I say I don’t know how the conversation got there but she started off by letting me know she felt criticized and no attention was given to that
|
||||
- [ ] She was attempting to let me know how my words were affecting her
|
||||
- [ ] And she gets the comment that I was already the schools punching bag and that I won’t be one in my own home
|
||||
- [ ] This was confusing to her and she feels it was not related to our conversation
|
||||
- [ ] This all leads to her feeling defeated and worthless
|
||||
- [ ] And then she has to pivot and show up for our kids
|
||||
- [ ] It’s exhausting and an unfair expectation
|
||||
|
||||
Action items
|
||||
- [ ] Take a second to breath and then try and see things from your perspective
|
||||
- [ ] If she asks if I can listen and I say yes then do that otherwise say after this convo is done or no
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,90 @@
|
||||
- [ ] Clarify from Thursday morning she didn’t hear I was just advocating for Charlie
|
||||
- [ ] What she heard what I was saying twisting what she said to Charlie making her feel frustrated and flustered
|
||||
- [ ] Felt convo with him was interrupted
|
||||
- [ ] Felt blamed
|
||||
- [ ] Felt surprised bringing it into her frustration when she was trying tot all with Charlie
|
||||
- [ ] From convo in bedroom Thursday
|
||||
- [ ] Feel that even if it’s someone’s time to share she feels that expectation is there for apologizing interrupting
|
||||
- [ ] Said I was upset I had to apologize I had to apologize even tho it was my time to share
|
||||
- [ ] Feel angry she had changed what she was going to say
|
||||
- [ ] Feel I would have been very upset if she said same thing to me and are very upset if she puts words in my mouth
|
||||
- [ ] It felt presumptive and talked down to
|
||||
- [ ] It was also not true and did not factor in that she could have decided herself that she could have apologized for both points
|
||||
- [ ] How negative I am towards her when frustrated is upsetting g for example
|
||||
- [ ] Swearing at her and making negative comments
|
||||
- [ ] Feel hurt by the things I said to her on Thursday
|
||||
- [ ] Don’t trust the way I talk to her when I’m frustrated
|
||||
- [ ] Need to feel safe and respected even when upset
|
||||
- [ ] Had made mistakes and she owned up to them and gave action items
|
||||
- [ ] My response to her felt very hostile
|
||||
- [ ] So she distanced herself
|
||||
- [ ] later she was upset and crying on the couch
|
||||
- [ ] I came out and started talking to her in a self deprecating way
|
||||
- [ ] She didn’t have anything left
|
||||
- [ ] Her emotions had not been attended to
|
||||
- [ ] And she was visibly upset
|
||||
- [ ] She did not trust my words so toook space and protected herself
|
||||
- [ ] She let me know she didn’t feel safe engaging in convo or being near me
|
||||
- [ ] I told her there was time sooner she could have done it
|
||||
- [ ] Which was when I was sharing and she was writing things down
|
||||
Innately sidestepping what she was sharing and making you feel unsafe
|
||||
- [ ] She has been telling me she needs to be cared for
|
||||
- [ ] She is still feeling and working through what happened at Easter
|
||||
- [ ] How I talked to her was not ok and takes her back to then
|
||||
- [ ] She is feeling letdown by my and how I show up
|
||||
- [ ] Disgusted by how I responded to her when she let me know she did t feel safe
|
||||
- [ ] And that’s be needed space to protect herself own mental health feel like she keeps giving and trying
|
||||
- [ ] We have had several convos where we were both able to feel heard and listen to each other even when frustrating
|
||||
- [ ] She has been consistently owning what she can and apologizing
|
||||
- [ ] She has been very mindful not assigning meaning to what I’m saying
|
||||
- [ ] Being aware to ask if needed
|
||||
- [ ] Nothing ever seems enough when I’m upset
|
||||
- [ ] It’s exhausting and really hurtful to be the victim of the way I talk to her when upset
|
||||
- [ ] she needs to feel like she can make mistakes or have miscommunications because we experience things very differently and not have it be a complete shit spiral of feeling like everything is terrible and that there has been no positives
|
||||
|
||||
- think that sometimes we can alternate
|
||||
|
||||
Stop inserting what I think or feel into this
|
||||
Her time to share
|
||||
|
||||
To her telling her what I have written down is like her saying I didn’t hear that in advocating for Charlie
|
||||
|
||||
Two instances where she gave physical comfort and put my needs? Above hers
|
||||
|
||||
I asked if I missed anything out if she has anything else
|
||||
|
||||
She wanted me to write it down reiterate it and repeat it
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] Basically to summarize what she was saying was that twice she has made sure to give physical comfort even when she wanted space and she was upset
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] She wants to feel like there is space for her to be comforted when we are both upset
|
||||
- [ ] Currently she feels it’s her always reaching out to connect
|
||||
- [ ] She very much feels uncared for and unloved and unappreciated when there are points of tension
|
||||
- [ ] She is upset at how many times I told her my perspective on things and dropped out of the framework in convo before leaving tot take Easton home
|
||||
- [ ] She is upset that I made a comment that it seems like I was being setup to fail
|
||||
- [ ] This makes her feel like I see her as vindictive or manipulating
|
||||
- [ ] Don’t talk to her through the bathroom door
|
||||
- [ ] Do not knock and try to come in without her answering me
|
||||
- [ ] Feels extremely disrespectful of her privacy
|
||||
- [ ] She feels upset that I didn’t check if I had the contact info before trying to get from her
|
||||
- [ ] Her time and privacy is valuable to
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
Action item
|
||||
- [ ] Dig deeper when things are not successful to be there for her when she is feeling upset
|
||||
- [ ] Don’t bring this energy to her when she is sad and upset
|
||||
- [ ] Keep writing stuff down when done initial sharing
|
||||
- [ ] Give privacy when in the Bathroom make sure to knock and get answer first
|
||||
- [ ] Check phone for pertinent info before going to you
|
||||
- [ ] Try and improve the way i treat her when I am frustrated
|
||||
- [ ] Stopping myself when I am being unkind
|
||||
- [ ] Sensitive to and still working through what happened at Easter
|
||||
|
||||
Wants to clarify not wanting to be manipulative but looking to comfort me
|
||||
|
||||
Doesn’t feel like much has been done in the way of being kind to her when upset
|
||||
- she talking about have successful arguments where both were upset she confirmed that I was in fact kind for those to be successful
|
||||
|
||||
After she had said I had attacked her during g my convo with her
|
||||
Then she quickly changed it
|
||||
She did not interact with me like I did her - assigning
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,49 @@
|
||||
- [ ] Feel hurt by my response to her when she was asked to watch my tone
|
||||
- [ ] She was feeling bad by the way I was talking to her and she was asking to watch it so it wouldn’t continue
|
||||
- [ ] It makes her feel worthless when my first response is I didn’t have a tone, did she ask or why I had a tone
|
||||
- [ ] Not once did I tune in to what she was saying
|
||||
- [ ] Also she was interrupted
|
||||
- [ ] Not sure if I realize it but I interrupted her when she was saying can I please watch my tone
|
||||
- [ ] Watch your tone please - it’s making me feel like garbage
|
||||
- [ ] She was interrupted so only got out before the -
|
||||
- [ ] She gets I didn’t want gravel broken up but she was just trying to be helpful
|
||||
- [ ] It feels like complete shit to ask me to tune into something that’s hurting her and she gets interrupted and gets told she should do things differently
|
||||
- [ ] Sometimes she just wants to feel like her needs are important and I have her
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] Feels really shitty to seem like I knew I hurt her and then go right into my office
|
||||
- [ ] 8:45 into voice check on tone of voice
|
||||
- [ ] That’s the voice that makes her feel like shit
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] Would have been really nice to check in before going into my office
|
||||
- [ ] Feels really shitty and lonely to go into my office and close the door
|
||||
- [ ] Multiple times today she has adjusted today to suite my needs
|
||||
- [ ] This morning letting me know we were good and giving her some space
|
||||
- [ ] In the car ride when we started to go to the movies and I took a wrong turn
|
||||
- [ ] She is wanting some reciprocal consideration
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] She feels she is expending a lot of effort right now but she is not seeing a lot returned to make her feel better in this relationship
|
||||
- [ ] She felt frustrated several times today being interrupted and I was able to tell the kids not to do it
|
||||
Feeling angry and resentful right now
|
||||
- [ ] Just today this has her feeling shitty
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] Interactions before she left for work
|
||||
- [ ] As well on the drive in and interrupted her three times
|
||||
- [ ] Pointed out to Alice to take a look at what she is doing
|
||||
- [ ] Feeling defeated and disrespected. It’s consistently when she is trying to bring something to my attention
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
Actions
|
||||
- [ ] Look for a way to change “Watch your tone…” doesn’t matter what comes after it but it seems to be a common trigger for me
|
||||
- [ ] She could say “can you stop using that tone of voice with me” but might still get into me asking questions and she doesn’t want that when in that headspace
|
||||
- [ ] Be aware when she is busy… not sure how to fix question for therapist maybe
|
||||
|
||||
Don’t care if I know that I’m using a tone of voice she just wants me to know it’s hurting you in that moment
|
||||
|
||||
Her headspace when I use a tone of voice
|
||||
She is feeling upset and triggered all the times I have used a shitty tone
|
||||
|
||||
- could be something like I still love you I need time to myself right now
|
||||
- Like I have asked of her
|
||||
- Hey I see your feeling sad upstairs I need time to cool off then I’d like to hear your feelings
|
||||
- Any sort of acknowledgment I have hurt her
|
||||
- To not feel invisible and that I don’t give a shit that I have hurt her
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,38 @@
|
||||
- [ ] She is sad and hurt how I looked at and talked to her in my office last night
|
||||
- [ ] She knocked I turned and had said yes
|
||||
- [ ] To her it seemed that I was able to talk
|
||||
- [ ] She was exhausted after a long day at work and and girl guides was trying to figure out what needed to happen with the laundry
|
||||
- [ ] To get the response she did really hurt
|
||||
- [ ] She can ask if I am good to talk after she knocks and I have both headphones over both ears
|
||||
- [ ] She felt surprised and upset by the convo in the laundry room
|
||||
- [ ] It felt things that I was listing she did wrong that made her feel blamed
|
||||
- [ ] She wished I would have asked if she was able to talk to give a lead up to the conversation
|
||||
- [ ] She feels defeated in the response I gave when she let me know she put garbage out
|
||||
- [ ] Previously I have asked to let me know things she had done so i can appreciate it
|
||||
- [ ] It made sense to her running through the list of todo items before relaxing for the night
|
||||
- [ ] She doesn’t think of it as my job and that I didn’t do it and she appreciates when I put the garbage out
|
||||
- [ ] I have asked before for appreciation or reinforcement and last night I said I didn’t care about it (taking the garbage out)
|
||||
- [ ] A really shitty missed opportunity on my part where I could have asked where she was coming from
|
||||
- [ ] It lead to hurtful things being said by her. Things that I do efforts she has made off of things I have said I would like
|
||||
- [ ] She doesn’t appreciate me bringing up I wanted to be heard out like she was heard out about her and the texts from my mom
|
||||
- [ ] Last night I didn’t ask to share and it was an upsetting conversation
|
||||
- [ ] If one of us feels heard outside of asking for time that’s great but at this point shouldn’t be an expectation and shouldn’t be brought up when it doesn’t happen
|
||||
- [ ] It was an unfair expectation based on circumstances last night and honestly felt like I was throwing it in her face
|
||||
- [ ] I did this for her so she does it for me and felt so shitty
|
||||
- [ ] Especially when she knows for a fact she has been bending over backwards to check in see how I’m doing listen to how I’m feeling as I have been saying I haven’t been in the best space over the last week
|
||||
- [ ] She feels she has been showing up for me but got tossed to shit last night
|
||||
- [ ] She understands it might feel real to me in that moment but it’s untrue and it hurts
|
||||
- [ ] She is not a monster asshole who does nothing for me
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] Conversation in the laundry room felt abrasive and she felt trapped in there
|
||||
- [ ] Felt like I came in hot and I started unloading on her
|
||||
- [ ] She didn’t appreciate it and it didn’t feel respectful
|
||||
|
||||
- [ ] She remembers me coming in while she was scooping litter me standing there and waiting
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
Actions
|
||||
- Get a voice recorder that can last a day and transcribe all conversations
|
||||
- ask to share feelings
|
||||
- Try not to make absolute statements that are hurtful or untrue
|
||||
- Try and be kind when talking to people
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,28 @@
|
||||
- [ ] Feel disappointed and uncared for from the conversation this morning
|
||||
- [ ] Felt unheard and judged which then makes it hard to see my point of view
|
||||
- [ ] Felt overwhelmed and upset regarding the convo about the kids and adhd and she let me know that in the kitchen
|
||||
- [ ] Feel frustrated and she is upset that I say what’s up that it’s on her to regulate the conversation and let me know up front what she wants
|
||||
- [ ] She feels it’s an unfair expectation
|
||||
- [ ] If she is upset and I am asking the question and starting the convo she would expect I take the lead on it
|
||||
- [ ] This is different than when we talked about her doing this bc I asked the question….
|
||||
- [ ] Either leave her alone or be prepared to hear feelings as it’s not fair me asked her
|
||||
- [ ] She deeply resents me asking what’s up but not being able to hear feelings
|
||||
- [ ] For example if I said I see she is upset can she share without sharing feelings
|
||||
- [ ] This gives a chance to think and then let me know yes or no
|
||||
- [ ] Also possible I might not get an answer to me being curious if I can’t listen to her feelings
|
||||
- [ ] If she is already upset it’s not a fair expectation to not share feelings
|
||||
- [ ] If she is feeling upset and it’s visible enough to me
|
||||
- [ ] The convo this morning at the table made her feel more sad and overwhelmed
|
||||
- [ ] It reinforced she needs to change herself to meet others needs
|
||||
- [ ] And that there isn’t anyone who can take care of her and hold space for her when she is upset in the way that works best for her
|
||||
- [ ] Overall this morning she was feeling really sad and she was processing through something and she really wished she felt like I was there for her
|
||||
- [ ] I chose to enter into a conversation asking what’s up but left her high and dry
|
||||
- [ ] She finds it’s to be disrespectful when I ask what’s up and not be ready for a feelings based convo when she is visibly upset (crying, etc)
|
||||
- [ ] Finds it lowkey annoying when she sighs and I ask what’s is up as well but understands I need the reassurance…
|
||||
- [ ] Turning it back on her giving her suggestions and ways she could have felt heard was annoying
|
||||
- [ ] Just leave her alone to work through it and she reaches out if she needs to share or be prepared for a feelings conversation as she needed me to be there for her
|
||||
|
||||
Actions
|
||||
- [ ] Going forward when seeing she is upset DO NOT ASK WHATS UP
|
||||
- [ ] Don’t expect her to conform to the way I process things when I ask this…
|
||||
- [ ] if I do be available to listen to her feelings and conform to listening and dressing her in a way to make her feel heard
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,16 @@
|
||||
- [ ] Thursday she felt exhausted from a. Hard week at work
|
||||
- [ ] She felt sad hearing how the kids were talked to When I came upstairs and they were on the iPad
|
||||
- [ ] She felt overwhelmed by the number of things she needed to get done
|
||||
- [ ] She felt overburdened being home alone for dinner and cleanup on Thursday
|
||||
- [ ] Felt annoyed that she was getting interrupted in what she was trying to get done
|
||||
- [ ] She felt disrespected to get a call about Pokémon sleep after she let me know she was trying to multitask and set herself up for the weekend
|
||||
- [ ] Felt overwhelmed by everything you were trying to juggle and felt stressed that more was being added to her plate by me
|
||||
- [ ] Felt abandoned by how much responsibility she was carrying Alone
|
||||
- [ ] Felt lonely and sad for not spending time together that week in the evenings
|
||||
- [ ] Felt unimportant and unappreciated
|
||||
|
||||
Apologized for not being home for dinner and cleanup,
|
||||
|
||||
- Being mindful and present before I go makes her feel like I care
|
||||
|
||||
Our kids are not as physically demanding as they once were but Alice had a lot of big emotions this past weekend and she went in with not a lot to give
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,11 @@
|
||||
- [ ] From her understanding the previous agreement was to try and not ask for a break after saying something insightful
|
||||
- [ ] And after asking for a break not adding anything after
|
||||
- [ ] This was her understanding of me asking for a break
|
||||
- [ ] She would like that respected going forward
|
||||
- [ ] It’s frustrating because that was our previous agreement
|
||||
- [ ] I said I wanted a brief thing about why you were asking for a break but she did not
|
||||
- [ ] Do not group her in with what I want unless explicitly asked
|
||||
- [ ] It had happened before and she expressed not liking it and it not to happen
|
||||
|
||||
Actions:
|
||||
- do not add things after asking for a break
|
||||
147
docs/projects/memorypalace/Christina/Hey Mom - Jan 21 2016.md
Normal file
147
docs/projects/memorypalace/Christina/Hey Mom - Jan 21 2016.md
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,147 @@
|
||||
Hey Mom,
|
||||
|
||||
I think it will be easiest if I take your responses and address them below in red. I really want to work through this so I will be as thorough as I can to address all points.
|
||||
|
||||
1. I am very excited that Christina will find use out of the present that I gave yous. I will not hide my disappointment that you both cannot use it, however I will be wiser in the future and plan a trip that you both may be able to partake in, and more importantly enjoy.
|
||||
|
||||
- Sounds
|
||||
|
||||
- good
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
2. At this current time I do not feel welcome in your home, especially until these matters can be resolved. I feel like my interactions with Alice are being watched, after raising four children, and then pursuing an education in childhood development, I do believe that I should not have this feeling!
|
||||
|
||||
I am not 100% sure why you would not feel welcome in our home because of this issue as they are two separate ones in my opinion. We always try and include you if we are coming down to simcoe or see if you want to do something when we have the time to make the hour and a half trip to you. We actually encourage you to come visit us as we would love Alice to know her grandma but it seems like you always have something else going on.
|
||||
|
||||
Just like the rest of the family we want you to be as involved in alice’s life as you like or can make time for. The fact that you do not babysit her is another issue we are currently trying to work through and to me I separate them completely. When you have been with Alice recently I remember you were left alone with Alice (christmas at your house) without me supervising you or having to come find you. I did not care where you were in the house nor did I come looking for you to supervise you.
|
||||
|
||||
3. The reason I comment upon your relationship is because I CARE; I know what failed relationships (and this is NOT me saying that I believe your relationship can or will fail) feel like, and I would never want you, nor Christina (who I love very much) to ever feel an ounce of the hurt that failed relationships cause.
|
||||
|
||||
3.1 Please do not compare your relationship with Christina to other family member’s relationships; I have a different relationships with different children’s significant others. For example I have a different relationship with Tori than I do Christina, this does not mean that I love either one of them more, however it is just different. Just like all my relationships with my children are different… as they ALWAYS have been especially while raising you children.
|
||||
|
||||
3.2 I will try and include Christina in more family events - but as it stands right now, I do not feel included in Jacob’s events.
|
||||
|
||||
3.3 Again, I feel like I can comment on your relationship due to the fact that I LOVE you both, and again please reference point number three as to why I feel I can comment on your relationship. Also - I would like to note that if I saw habits that worried me in other people whom I love relationship’s I would feel compelled to comment on them because again.. I CARE. I would just like to tell you that I have commented on other’s relationships, i would like to tell you this so you do not feel like i am harassing you, or just picking on you. This was never the case!
|
||||
|
||||
This one I am answering for all of 3 and its subsections as they kind of meld together.
|
||||
|
||||
It is hard not to compare relationships you have with other siblings significant others as it seems throughout the years Christina and I have been together it SEEMS that you click with them more easily. An example is having others away on trips before we had Alice. Multiple times we have heard you were going away to collingwoods or somewhere else and yet my family seems to have been forgotten. With Alice we realize its a little more difficult to get out but we appreciate the invite none the less to make us feel like part of the family.
|
||||
|
||||
I am unclear on the not feeling welcome to the jacobs events. Do you mean Christina and I or on a larger scope? If it is us, you are welcome and we try to organize things with you and, again, come and see Alice. A good example that I brought up in the last email but I think may have gotten lost is the dinner we were supposed to have with you and planned to have and you went to Katie’s game instead. If it is the jacobs family extended then I am not sure why with that either as everyone including grandma J asks about you and wants to know how you are.
|
||||
|
||||
I can understand that you care about us and you want to see us do well.
|
||||
|
||||
4, I know you are a good father Gregory, I have never questioned your ability to be a good father! I have told you on many occasions that you are an amazing father - and I will continue to remind you of this because I believe it to be true. However, I also know that I am a good mother - I have raised four amazing children and had my hand in raising some of their friends or acting as a surrogate mother for other children. With this being said, I believe that I have a right to my grandchild - I have never done anything for you to question my intentions with Alice, and you know that she is my pride and joy - I love her more than life itself. “Stealing her away” is a figure of speech, you and Christina both know I would never do anything with Alice that would have negative ramifications for either party. I have been educated on childhood development, and though you don’t “need” to leave her more, I believe that having time with other people would benefit Alice, and that the more people, opinions, teaching styles, experiences etc. that Alice can have in her early years, the better. PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS AS I THINK YOU ARE NOT GIVING HER ENOUGH EXPERIENCES. I am just backing up myself with reasons as to why I believe I should see her more.
|
||||
|
||||
To start I want to say I do recognize the times that you have said I am a good father but there have been other times that have been questionable at best:
|
||||
|
||||
- I believe it was at Christina’s birthday
|
||||
|
||||
- party when I was singing Anaconda by Nicki Minaj you
|
||||
|
||||
- made the comment that parents like me should be shot. The shock
|
||||
|
||||
- from everyone else would have been enough to realize it was
|
||||
|
||||
- offending to s. Sure, you didn’t say I was a bad
|
||||
|
||||
- father but you implied I should be shot
|
||||
|
||||
- and then followed up with you knew how children
|
||||
|
||||
- that grew up like that turned out. There is a lot more to say on
|
||||
|
||||
- this point but I am sure you get the gist.
|
||||
|
||||
- Every time you make a comment on how
|
||||
|
||||
- Christina or I do something it is not on something
|
||||
|
||||
- negligible like why is she wearing a purple sweater instead of a
|
||||
|
||||
- pink one but instead on something that we have chosen as Alice’s
|
||||
|
||||
- parents to enact and follow with her. Questioning or
|
||||
|
||||
- commenting on those makes us feel like you are judging us
|
||||
|
||||
- as parents and I take that to heart.
|
||||
|
||||
- Again, I commented whether joking or
|
||||
|
||||
- not, figure of speech or literally, comments like
|
||||
|
||||
- that make me feel like I am doing something
|
||||
|
||||
- wrong.
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
In terms of rights to Alice.
|
||||
|
||||
No one has a RIGHT to alice besides Christina and I as her parents.
|
||||
|
||||
That being said we WANT Alice to know ALL her family and we
|
||||
|
||||
encourage everyone to visit or make an effort to come visit them,
|
||||
|
||||
including you. We have never denied you the right to see alice AT
|
||||
|
||||
ALL. In fact, as stated before we encourage it. We ask if you will
|
||||
|
||||
be at events we are going to and it seems like WE have taken a back
|
||||
|
||||
seat to the new life you are trying to create with Doug. (If I take
|
||||
|
||||
the right comment as I think you intended it - correct me if I am
|
||||
|
||||
wrong - You think you have the right to babysit alice. In regards
|
||||
|
||||
to that we have the sole right of choosing who we look after
|
||||
|
||||
Alice)
|
||||
|
||||
I can appreciate your skill set and the diplomas you have in
|
||||
|
||||
regards to caring for children. I can also appreciate you raising
|
||||
|
||||
four children and the other points you had. this being said leads
|
||||
|
||||
me to the below.
|
||||
|
||||
In exposing
|
||||
|
||||
Alice to different experiences, we are all for. Christina and I are
|
||||
|
||||
not ready to leave Alice with many people right now and that is
|
||||
|
||||
partially our own issue we need to work through. The other part is
|
||||
|
||||
we want people who are able to see Alice more often and she is
|
||||
|
||||
comfortable with to look after to make the transition as seamless
|
||||
|
||||
as possible. We are thinking of Alice’s feeling here as much as ours. This
|
||||
|
||||
being said, Alice right now would not know Katie (as an example) if
|
||||
|
||||
she did not visit for 3ish weeks or be shy around her, which would
|
||||
|
||||
not be good for babysitting.
|
||||
|
||||
5. I do know that I have to mind my words, I will be more aware of my words and thoughts before I vocalize them, however you need to be aware that this will be quite hard for me to do and something that will take time for me to perfect, your patiences and encouragement on this matter is welcome. However, I do ask that you do the same, as your words throughly effect me and make me very upset and unable to concentrate on subjects at hand.
|
||||
|
||||
I appreciate you commenting on this and as mentioned I am/will work on this.
|
||||
|
||||
6. Please stop putting words into my mouth, I DO see you as capable and a loving father! This becomes very hurtful for me when you cast your ideas of what I say back onto me, I have never once said that you are not a good father and anything that you believe as to why i even think that is exactly that… what you BELIEVE i think. I invite you to ask me about what I think of you as a father before you start to put words into my mouth. This will be better for everyone.
|
||||
|
||||
See anaconda reference above. Didn’t want to re-jig your order of points.
|
||||
|
||||
I also hope that in reference to giving alice the best possible care comment I made, the comment above (point 4) will give you more insight into why I made that comment as it was not meant to be hurtful but informative.
|
||||
|
||||
I also am unsure why you mentioned B’s care seat as it seems that you think we got it for him. After chatting up Rachel I realized she thought we got it for him and she told you. This being said, Alice had her name on the card but Erin was the one who purchased it. We have actually never bought a present that would indicate favouritism over one sibling or parent that we would not think to buy for everyone else. Right now the tally for that is still zero as we provide all the tools for everyone when they come here. What B got as a present and not from us is his business and I warned Rachel to not make assumptions before getting all the facts as that stresses me out.
|
||||
|
||||
You are right I have discussed the previous email with Christina, although those words were my own without influence as is this one. I have cc’d Christina on the response as well so she is as you said in the loop and such. I hope this clears a few more things up and we can work on resolving this.
|
||||
|
||||
Love,
|
||||
|
||||
Greg
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1 @@
|
||||
![[christina-stepper.png]]
|
||||
24
docs/projects/memorypalace/Christina/Our Story - 10-25-16.md
Normal file
24
docs/projects/memorypalace/Christina/Our Story - 10-25-16.md
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,24 @@
|
||||
OUR STORY
|
||||
|
||||
Sept 4 2007 - Start of CPA
|
||||
Sept 10 2007 - Start of Networking Fundamentals
|
||||
Sept 24 2007 - Greg & Christina start dating
|
||||
Mar 27 2009 - Greg proposed to Christina
|
||||
Apr 21 2011 - Greg was diagnosed with Ulcerative Pancolitis
|
||||
Sept 24 2011 - Greg married his Soulmate
|
||||
Sept 24 2012 - Clocks for 1st Anniversary
|
||||
Feb 21 2013 - Greg’s First Surgery - Ostomy
|
||||
Sept 24 2013 - Cotton for 2nd Anniversary
|
||||
Oct 3 2013 - Greg’s Second Surgery - JPouch
|
||||
Aug 30 2013 - Greg & Christina become first time homeowners
|
||||
Mar 6 2014 - Greg’s Final Surgery - Reversal of Ostomy
|
||||
June 8 2014 - Alice Leeanne Jacobs is born
|
||||
Sept 24 2014 - Leather for 3rd Anniversary
|
||||
Sept 24 2015 - Fruit/Flowers for 4th Anniversary
|
||||
Sept 24 2016 - Wood for 5th Anniversary
|
||||
‘To be continued…’ as one of the timeline points at the end
|
||||
|
||||
REQUIREMENTS
|
||||
————————
|
||||
Larger lettering to be able to view when hanging on a wall
|
||||
Thinner board to be able to hang
|
||||
0
docs/projects/memorypalace/Christina/Untitled.md
Normal file
0
docs/projects/memorypalace/Christina/Untitled.md
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,18 @@
|
||||
Valentines Day 2017 - Christina
|
||||
———————————————
|
||||
|
||||
Dear Love of My Life,
|
||||
|
||||
Reading this card, I could not help but think of you and I. Looking back over the time that has passed since the last Valentine’s day so much has past.
|
||||
|
||||
At points, it has seemed like we have endured a lot of sad times but it is important for us to remember that those times, though they feel long and tiresome, are but a mere blip in the expanse of our lives together and it is better to focus on and celebrate the amazing times we have gotten to share together. I am not saying dismiss what has happened, but instead embrace it as part of our life and instead we can learn from it and grow together and be stronger from it together.
|
||||
|
||||
One of the more recent exciting moments that I cannot stop thinking about is expecting Baby Boy Jacobs sooner than later. It has been a wild ride since then and I would not change any of it as it has made you who you are today, the woman I swore to be beside in sickness or in health, through good times and bad. I love you more with each passing day and I don’t think I will ever be able to fully articulate how that feels and I sure do not do a great job of showing you that all the time.
|
||||
|
||||
I am so glad you agreed to be my girlfriend almost 10 years ago. We have been through so much, endured so much. It makes me the happiest man alive to get to ask you each year, will you be my Valentine? I hope that I can share this occasion with you for many more years to come and make you feel like I do more often.
|
||||
|
||||
I Love You the Mostest!
|
||||
|
||||
Greg
|
||||
|
||||
Feb 13 2017
|
||||
Reference in New Issue
Block a user