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memory-infrastructure-palace/docs/projects/memorypalace/Christina/Feelings Conversations/Christina Feelings Jan 5th 2025.md

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Raw Blame History

  • Concerned by responses to her and how much she is at fault

  • She is not my opponent she is meant to be my teammate

  • Feeling defeated and exhausted

  • Feel like no effort is acknowledged and negatives are brought up often

  • Feeling beaten down by how her perceived failings are being brought an up in most of our convos

  • Feel scared to make a mistake or have a miscommunication with me

  • Need to feel kindness and grace when making a mistake

  • Try to learn and grow with me but it is difficult when things can change so rapidly

  • Feel like every thing can be. Fine and then the first sign of friction I get frustrated and she gets talked to crappily

  • Tone body language and actual words that are hurtful when Im frustrated

  • Keep trying to move past it when I apologize but it continues to keep happening

  • One example that she is hurt by was her forgetting to email about the stimara magnets

  • From her perspectives she apologizes and offered a solution but it seemed nothing was good enough and she couldnt stop getting “hit” with things she was doing wrong - hits keep on coming

  • That convo felt verbally abusive

  • I was berating her and no matter how much she apologized I kept bringing up things she was doing wrong

  • She doesnt feel safe to take the time and space to heal when it gets pointed out that she is distancing herself from me

  • She does this to protect her mental health and show up for the kids

  • She is still concerned for me and thinks it would be helpful to speak to a therapist or doctor because the way I spiral after a miscommunication or something triggers me is scary to her

  • She feels scared by my reactions to her

  • Ask about taking an audio recording when I am upset and not sure how hurtful I can be

  • Hurts when I say Im doing nothing for you in the middle of a conversation

  • She doesnt feel its fair to bring it up in a convo without first asking to share feelings or that there is something I want to talk about

  • Things like why are we even together and Im doing nothing for you will always be hurtful when said outside framework convo

The level I feel the frustration feels disproportionate to the actual thing

She cant have her life fall apart for a week if she misses an opportunity to be curious

Shouldnt lead to a week of crap as its always going to happen

It seems as soon as Im frustrated she isnt the partner anymore but an enemy