3.8 KiB
-
First off if she is sharing her feelings and I am asking to make an observation she would appreciate it being kept short and appreciate checking in to see if she is good along the way
-
She doesn’t appreciate the way I treated her or talked to her today
-
She is exhausted trying to meet the emotional needs of the kids and at this point she would rather not talk or interact with me
-
Just leaves her feeling terrible
-
She feels frustrated and sad that this continued resentment keeps being brought often into interactions
-
She can’t get out from underneath the weight of how frustrated I can be with you and how upset I am by it
-
I said I don’t know how to let it go or have it all come flooding back but she can’t keep doing this
-
She is exhausted
-
It doesn’t feel like there is space for her to need things or for me to take the lead and take care of her
-
She needs more than what she’s getting from me right now emotionally
-
She was looking forward to me going away this weekend because it’s emotionally more peaceful for her
-
Yes it’s harder and more work being the only parent and it’s exhausting but right now the relationship with me is exhausting too
-
Feel like she is second guessing everything she say and how it could be better for me
-
She gets lost along the way in what she needs or what she is feeling and her mattering
-
She can’t keep living with this resentment I keep bringing into interactions and it’s not fair
-
She is tired and she is sad
Clarifying questions
-
Did I mention resentment and where?
- Me mentioning my resentment and it flooding back during convo over lunch and this mornings walk
- It was in regards to the instagram post she sent
- I seemed frustrated and she tied that to me being resentful and does not want to know why I was frustrated (my point of view)
- I don’t remember saying these things but wanted to share what I was trying to say
- Not in a place to listen to my feelings right now
- Doesn’t feel comfortable and dread talking to me
- One small thing can change things and the next day is shit
- She is tired and she is sad
- Me mentioning my resentment and it flooding back during convo over lunch and this mornings walk
-
What does that mean for us in her mind
- She doesn’t know
- She doesn’t like the feeling of relief that I was going to be away that she was looking forward to me not being in the house because it would be easier emotionally for her
- She needs to feel safe to make mistakes and not a lingering resentment hanging over her
- She needs to feel safe with me and that I have her back when she needs it not make whatever situation she is in harder
- She says she loves me and cares for me but she is feeling really beaten down right now
-
She is exhausted from feeling like garbage and she isn’t good enough and she can’t make mistakes
-
Smallest convo with me can go sideways and leads to friction and feeling emotionally unsafe around me for sometimes days
-
She can’t do it anymore
-
She can’t keep doing it and keep showing up for the kids the way they need
-
She has nothing left and don’t want to keep fighting to get a scrap of empathy or concern for her or for having her needs be important
Stems back to convo we have had for months and that’s how I treat her when I’m frustrated and how I treat her when things go an unexpected way for me
- I think somethings going to happen and it’s different and how I treat her after
- Generally unkind and not respectful
Actions
- Keep observations short
- Checking when making observations to make sure good to continue (still Christina’s time to talk and share feelings)
- Take a step back and breath before answering in harder convos
She is feeling heard out and nothing else to share