3.5 KiB
3.5 KiB
- Still feel unresolved from the conversation from two days ago in the morning
- Feel confused by my reaction to her sharing
- Based on previous conversations where she specifically asked or checking if i am not prepared to hear feelings
- I understood and agreed to this
- So when I asked why does her face look like that her understanding was I was able to listen to what she was going to share
- She is upset about how the convo went yesterday morning
- She asked if I was able to listen and I asked what it was about, she thought she briefly told me and I affirmed it was ok
- She let me know it wasn’t feelings based
- She was trying to do the things I asked for in owning what she could
- She interpreted me taking notes as making myself better available to listen
- She feels really unloved by me when I am frustrated or think I have made a mistake
- Feel exhausted and overwhelmed by many facets of life right now and she doesn’t feel like I support her in the way she need or deserve
- She is so sad and so tired by recent interactions
- So many moments, holidays, memories have been “ruined” by us fighting
- She wants more for her and the kids than the tension and them seeing her cry all the time
- She is hurt by the way she was talked to the past few days
- It seemed very negative towards her efforts harsh and unkind
- For example what a crazy world that it hasn’t been five seconds or her saying appreciation is never a bad thing and I say she has to earn respect to get respect
- Lastly she is frustrated that she can be held so responsible for interrupting me two nights ago
- She apologized and owned it
- And it gets brought up and thrown in her face like outside the store
- Yet I interrupted her yesterday and I say sorry and moved on
- It feels really unfair
- It makes her feel unloved that I can be so unkind when things are not totally calm
- This is not a new thing that she has been asking for grace when she makes a mistake
- She is hurt and scared by my responses when I am frustrated or upset with her
- The way things happened yesterday and the way that I talked to her scared her and reminded her of how I was on Easter weekend
- From where she is at I haven’t resolved that with her
- Or earned back her trust that I can be in control of my emotions or I can be safe
What’s needed to resolve two days ago convo
- Need to go back and read what she shared with me
- Convo was side tracked and I asked for a break
- Her feeling unloved
Earning back trust
- Doesn’t know how can earn it back
- Besides how I decide to treat her going forward
- When mistakes happen
- Not asking to share
- Not being curious
- Interrupting
- How we go forward in that together and how I treat her afterwards
Action items
- Make sure when asking what is up to be prepared for all feelings or whatever is on her mind
- Put a stop to convo if I haven’t actually agreed to it
- When mistakes happen she needs me to be kind and give grace
- Being shared to and not in a place to listen let her know to stop it resume later
- Fix the way I respond to her when angry or mad - working on lessening resentment from previous interactions and work on the one interaction right now
Other talks:
- Wish I had let her know I wasn’t good to listen yesterday
- Don’t let it continue (placing onus on me to stop this…)
- She can check in more and ask if still good to listen