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memory-infrastructure-palace/docs/projects/memorypalace/Christina/Feelings Conversations/Christina Feelings - May 29 2025.md

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Raw Blame History

  • Doesnt think its all my fault

  • Thinks I was interrupting when she was talking to Charlie in the living room

  • She didnt me say I was advocating for Charlie

  • Would have liked to hear what I had to say just not at that time

  • Wish what she was going through had been considered more

  • She was just trying to talk to me about the conversation I started

  • Thinks she messed up this as well (self deprecating)

  • Doesnt want me to reiterate it

  • Energy I came out with was a lot

  • She was sad and upset and didnt need to attend to that

  • She needed to be cared for for a bit

  • Slapped kicked bit today and last thing she wants is to go through mental gymnastics with me

  • She has acknowledged she messed up and clarifying questions she asked came across poorly

  • The way I treated her upstairs in the convo was not ok

  • I said I didnt want to talk about it anymore but she doesnt know what to do

  • But then I come in her space and do this

  • Requiring her to put more mental energy into me

  • She needed to feel cared for and emotionally cared for today

  • She pushed away because of the way I was treating her

  • Its not that I dont deserve to to feel comforted and loved like she is asking for now

  • She doesnt remember conversations about letting me know she cant be there for me because of how she was feeling towards me

  • Didnt seem like a safe space to let me know she wasnt ok

  • She was feeling mistreated by me

  • She was letting me know she was looking for comfort and had a shit awful day

  • Said this when she came down asking if I wanted to do clay before talking about

  • Wants me to see she is hurting and be there for her

  • The expectation I set out if she could let me know but she could not and I didnt make her feel safe

  • She was looking earlier for comfort but no longer after the way she was made to feel

  • Its ok to step back bc she doesnt feel safe with me

  • Its ok for her to not talk to me bc she doesnt feel safe with what I would say to her

  • About halfway through something shifted and I was picking at things she was saying and she didnt feel safe

Action item

  • Dig deeper when things are not successful to be there for her when she is feeling upset
  • Dont bring this energy to her when she is sad and upset

Wtf is this shit

  • Energy I came out with was a lot
  • I forced myself out here