memory-infrastructure-palace/docs/projects/memorypalace/Apple Notes/Hey Mom,.md

I think it will be easiest if I take your responses and address them below in red. I really want to work through this so I will be as thorough as I can to address all points.

1. I am very excited that Christina will find use out of the present that I gave yous. I will not hide my disappointment that you both cannot use it, however I will be wiser in the future and plan a trip that you both may be able to partake in, and more importantly enjoy. 
- Sounds
- good
2. At this current time I do not feel welcome in your home, especially until these matters can be resolved. I feel like my interactions with Alice are being watched, after raising four children, and then pursuing an education in childhood development, I do believe that I should not have this feeling! 

I am not 100% sure why you would not feel welcome in our home because of this issue as they are two separate ones in my opinion. We always try and include you if we are coming down to simcoe or see if you want to do something when we have the time to make the hour and a half trip to you. We actually encourage you to come visit us as we would love Alice to know her grandma but it seems like you always have something else going on. 

## **Just like the rest of the family we want you to be as involved in alice’s life as you like or can make time for. The fact that you do not babysit her is another issue we are currently trying to work through and to me I separate them completely. When you have been with Alice recently I remember you were left alone with Alice (christmas at your house) without me supervising you or** <span style="font-family:Helvetica;font-size:12pt;">having</span> **to come find you. I did not care where you were in the house nor did I come looking for you to supervise you.**

3. The reason I comment upon your relationship is because I CARE; I know what failed relationships (and this is NOT me saying that I believe your relationship can or will fail) feel like, and I would never want you, nor Christina (who I love very much) to ever feel an ounce of the hurt that failed relationships cause. 
3.1 Please do not compare your relationship with Christina to other family member’s relationships; I have a different relationships with different children’s significant others. For example I have a different relationship with Tori than I do Christina, this does not mean that I love either one of them more, however it is just different. Just like all my relationships with my children are different… as they ALWAYS have been especially while raising you children.
3.2 I will try and include Christina in more family events - but as it stands right now, I do not feel included in Jacob’s events. 
3.3 Again, I feel like I can comment on your relationship due to the fact that I LOVE you both, and again please reference point number three as to why I feel I can comment on your relationship. Also - I would like to note that if I saw habits that worried me in other people whom I love relationship’s I would feel compelled to comment on them because again.. I CARE. I would just like to tell you that I have commented on other’s relationships, i would like to tell you this so you do not feel like i am harassing you, or just picking on you. This was never the case! 

## **This one I am answering for all of 3 and its subsections as they** <span style="font-family:Helvetica;font-size:12pt;">kind</span> **of meld together.**

## **It is hard not to compare relationships you have with other siblings significant others as it seems throughout the years Christina and I have been together it SEEMS that you click with them more easily. An example is having others away on trips before we had Alice. Multiple times we have heard you were going away to collingwoods or somewhere else and yet my family seems to have been forgotten. With Alice we realize its a little more difficult to get out but we appreciate the invite none the less to make us feel like part of the family.**

## **I am unclear on the not feeling welcome to the jacobs events. Do you mean Christina and I or on a larger scope? If it is us, you are welcome and we try to organize things with you and, again, come and see Alice. A good example that I brought up in the last email but I think may have gotten lost is the dinner we were supposed to have with you and planned to have and you went to Katie’s game instead. If it is the jacobs family extended then I am not sure why with that either as everyone including grandma J asks about you and wants to know how you are.**

## **I can understand that you care about us and you want to see us do well.**

4, I know you are a good father Gregory, I have never questioned your ability to be a good father! I have told you on many occasions that you are an amazing father - and I will continue to remind you of this because I believe it to be true. However, I also know that I am a good mother - I have raised four amazing children and had my hand in raising some of their friends or acting as a surrogate mother for other children. With this being said, I believe that I have a right to my grandchild - I have never done anything for you to question my intentions with Alice, and you know that she is my pride and joy - I love her more than life itself. “Stealing her away” is a figure of speech, you and Christina both know I would never do anything with Alice that would have negative ramifications for either party. I have been educated on childhood development, and though you don’t “need” to leave her more, I believe that having time with other people would benefit Alice, and that the more people, opinions, teaching styles, experiences etc. that Alice can have in her early years, the better. PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS AS I THINK YOU ARE NOT GIVING HER ENOUGH EXPERIENCES. I am just backing up myself with reasons as to why I believe I should see her more. 

To start I want to say I do recognize the times that you have said I am a good father but there have been other times that have been questionable at best:
- I believe it was at Christina’s birthday
- party when I was singing Anaconda by Nicki Minaj you
- made the comment that parents like me should be shot. The shock
- from everyone else would have been enough to realize it was
- offending to  s. Sure, you didn’t say I was a bad
- father but you implied I should be shot
- and then followed up with you knew how children
- that grew up like that turned out. There is a lot more to say on
- this point but I am sure you get the gist.
- Every time you make a comment on how
- Christina or I do something it is not on something
- negligible like why is she wearing a purple sweater instead of a
- pink one but instead on something that we have chosen as Alice’s
- parents to enact and follow with her. Questioning or
- commenting on those makes us feel like you are judging us
- as parents and I take that to heart.
- Again, I commented whether joking or
- not, figure of speech or literally, comments like
- that make me feel like I am doing something
- wrong.
## **In terms of rights to Alice.**
## **No one has a RIGHT to alice besides Christina and I as her parents.**
## **That being said we WANT Alice to know ALL her family and we**
## **encourage everyone to visit or make an effort to come visit them,**
## **including you. We have never denied you the right to see alice AT**
## **ALL. In fact, as stated before we encourage it. We ask if you will**
## **be at events we are going to and it seems like WE have taken a back**
## **seat to the new life you are trying to create with Doug. (If I take**
## **the right comment as I think you intended it - correct me if I am**
## **wrong - You think you have the right to babysit alice. In regards**
## **to that we have the sole** <span style="font-family:Helvetica;font-size:12pt;">right</span> **of choosing who we look after**
## **Alice)**

## **I can appreciate your skill set and the diplomas you have in**
## **regards to caring for children. I can also appreciate you raising**
## **four children and the other points you had. this being said leads**
## **me to the below.**

## **In exposing**
## **Alice to different experiences, we are all for. Christina and I are**
## **not ready to leave Alice with many people right now and that is**
## **partially our own issue we need to work through. The other part is**
## **we want people who are able to see Alice more often and she is**
## **comfortable with to look after to make the transition as seamless**
## **as possible. We are thinking of Alice’s feeling here as much as ours. This**
## **being said, Alice right now would not know Katie (as an example) if**
## **she did not visit for 3ish weeks or be shy around her, which would**
## **not be good for babysitting.**

5. I do know that I have to mind my words, I will be more aware of my words and thoughts before I vocalize them, however you need to be aware that this will be quite hard for me to do and something that will take time for me to perfect, your patiences and encouragement on this matter is welcome. However, I do ask that you do the same, as your words throughly effect me and make me very upset and unable to concentrate on subjects at hand.

I appreciate you commenting on this and as mentioned I am/will work on this.

6. Please stop putting words into my mouth, I DO see you as capable and a loving father! This becomes very hurtful for me when you cast your ideas of what I say back onto me, I have never once said that you are not a good father and anything that you believe as to why i even think that is exactly that… what you BELIEVE i think. I invite you to ask me about what I think of you as a father before you start to put words into my mouth. This will be better for everyone. 

## **See anaconda reference above.** <span style="font-family:Helvetica;font-size:12pt;">Didn’t</span> **want to re-jig your order of points.**

## **I also hope that in reference to giving alice the best possible care comment I made, the comment above (point 4) will give you more insight into why I made that comment as it was not meant to be hurtful but informative.** 

## **I also am unsure why you mentioned B’s care seat as it seems that you think we got it for him. After chatting up Rachel I realized she thought we got it for him and she told you. This being said, Alice had her name on the card but Erin was the one who purchased it. We have actually never bought a present that would indicate favouritism over one sibling or parent that we would not think to buy for everyone else. Right now the tally for that is still zero as we provide all the tools for everyone when they come here. What B got as a present and not from us is his business and I warned Rachel to not make assumptions before getting all the facts as that stresses me out.**

## **You are right I have discussed the previous email with Christina, although those words were my own without influence as is this one. I have cc’d Christina on the response as well so she is as you said in the loop and such. I hope this clears a few more things up and we can work on resolving this.**

## **Love,**

## **Greg**