2.9 KiB
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She is sad and hurt how I looked at and talked to her in my office last night
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She knocked I turned and had said yes
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To her it seemed that I was able to talk
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She was exhausted after a long day at work and and girl guides was trying to figure out what needed to happen with the laundry
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To get the response she did really hurt
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She can ask if I am good to talk after she knocks and I have both headphones over both ears
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She felt surprised and upset by the convo in the laundry room
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It felt things that I was listing she did wrong that made her feel blamed
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She wished I would have asked if she was able to talk to give a lead up to the conversation
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She feels defeated in the response I gave when she let me know she put garbage out
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Previously I have asked to let me know things she had done so i can appreciate it
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It made sense to her running through the list of todo items before relaxing for the night
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She doesn’t think of it as my job and that I didn’t do it and she appreciates when I put the garbage out
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I have asked before for appreciation or reinforcement and last night I said I didn’t care about it (taking the garbage out)
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A really shitty missed opportunity on my part where I could have asked where she was coming from
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It lead to hurtful things being said by her. Things that I do efforts she has made off of things I have said I would like
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She doesn’t appreciate me bringing up I wanted to be heard out like she was heard out about her and the texts from my mom
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Last night I didn’t ask to share and it was an upsetting conversation
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If one of us feels heard outside of asking for time that’s great but at this point shouldn’t be an expectation and shouldn’t be brought up when it doesn’t happen
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It was an unfair expectation based on circumstances last night and honestly felt like I was throwing it in her face
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I did this for her so she does it for me and felt so shitty
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Especially when she knows for a fact she has been bending over backwards to check in see how I’m doing listen to how I’m feeling as I have been saying I haven’t been in the best space over the last week
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She feels she has been showing up for me but got tossed to shit last night
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She understands it might feel real to me in that moment but it’s untrue and it hurts
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She is not a monster asshole who does nothing for me
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Conversation in the laundry room felt abrasive and she felt trapped in there
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Felt like I came in hot and I started unloading on her
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She didn’t appreciate it and it didn’t feel respectful
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She remembers me coming in while she was scooping litter me standing there and waiting
Actions
- Get a voice recorder that can last a day and transcribe all conversations
- ask to share feelings
- Try not to make absolute statements that are hurtful or untrue
- Try and be kind when talking to people