3.1 KiB
- It really upset her this morning when I had said at the first opportunity she hasn’t done any of the things we were talked about doing. Or not doing the things we said we would do
- She thinks we have had a pretty good two weeks where we both have been leaning into each other and there are multiple instances of us doing what we said we would do to help each other
- It’s incredibly defeating and hurtful to hear me say that
- It brings up the feeling that she is only as good as her most recent mistake and that she can’t miss an opportunity to do something that I would prefer
- It could have been brought up in a much different way to just let her know I would I have appreciate her bringing up what I wanted from the conversation before starting it with me
- After that she was crying and really hurt by what I had said
- I was talking at her
- When she asked for a break - interrupting me
- I chose to let her know two things I brought up she had done wrong in asking for the break over respecting the ask for the break
- It was never her understanding that she had to let me know ahead of time why she needed a break
- Her understanding is that it is helpful in the future if she was able to do it
- This morning she was not able to do that she just needed a break because she was very upset and didn’t want to be talked at
Her perspective on these statements even tho some of them were asserting statements or absolute statements
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Hurt and sad sharing with me downstairs
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Didn’t seem like I tried to reach out or care for her after how she was made to feel
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Sad and hurt
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She was feeling hurt because it didn’t seem like she was being cared for. She shared that she was hurt and she wanted to feel cared for like she has been for me when I’m upset. Even when it s difficult for her when she is sad or feel wronged not leaving her high and dry when she can see that I am really upset.
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She was hoping by for a little bit of care and attention after she shared how she was feeling this morning.
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She wanted to feel like I saw that she was upset and would trying to make her feel better
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Based on response upstairs she said it didn’t matter
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Response: if she just wanted to share her feelings and based on tone of voice she didn’t want to reach out anymore
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She was sad and wanted to feel cared for
Action item: make sure to check and see if she is done sharing before stop taking notes
Going forward I would like to improve on:
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asking for breaks, if either of us asks for a break the conversation stops. We do not bring up what is unfortunate or what could have been done differently in asking for the break.
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please avoid the phrase "at the first opportunity you didn't you any of the things you said you would do" I would like to hear what I can improve on but I would appreciate it being said with more kindness and understanding. This phrasing makes me feel defeated.
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If I say " can you please validate what I said?" This is me asking for what I need from the conversation and I need it to be respected (If you think of alternate wording for me to use please let me know)