3.5 KiB
-
She has been feeling unsupported and unprioritized and lonely since before I left for California
- Supported and prioritized looks like:
- Planning something special for us to do together - just the two of us
- Only goal was spending time together
- Feeling supported means her feeling safe to make mistakes and that I will be kind
- Feeling supported looks like if there are household chores we are doing to not remind me multiple times
- Makes her feel like she is still needing to attend to it
- Explained I kept thinking about it and feel shameful about it
- Doesn’t change how she feels or feels unsupported when that happens
- Feeling supported looks like she is safe to drop something and I am there to pick it up
- Not waking us up every morning
- When she comes home it’s not a disaster
- When she comes home nothing is done
- After work hours when she has went places in the evening and she comes home and they were not done
- All these things weigh heavy on her that she can’t miss anything bc I won’t catch it
- Planning something special for us to do together - just the two of us
- Supported and prioritized looks like:
-
She feels like she has been left to do a lot for the house and the kids while I have been distracted by other things and it has been really hard
-
She feels like the work she does for our family goes unappreciated and unnoticed
-
She feels there have been many times where she is hurt by the way that I talk to her
-
She feels sad about how I have been bringing things up the last week and she has asked to set her up a bit before and ask or be kind when bringing it up and it doesn’t feel like that has been considered or done
-
She feels lonely and isolated
-
She feels uncared for
-
She feels off
-
She doesn’t feel like she has been supported in that when she lets me know she is struggling
-
She is feeling resentful for the weight of responsibility she carries for our family
-
And she feels deeply hurt and sad by how she is treated when we are upset or frustrated
- Put the kids in this statement as the kids are modelling my behaviour and how I act around her
- Looking for me to actively help and actively be more present
- So we can do it TOGETHER
- emphasized together as it’s important
- She sees a direct connection in how I treat her and how they treat her especially Charlie
- They learn from me on how it is acceptable to talk to her and treat her
-
She doesn’t feel like there is anyone in the family looking out for her or taking care of her
-
It hit her yesterday how much stress she is carrying and how she can be treated by me when she felt sick to her stomach when she needed to drive on Sunningdale road yesterday
- Sunningdale road is where I was driving with the kids erratically when I was angry with her
- Where I was driving two different times while “screaming” at her
Action items
- Start setting alarms again for the morning to get up and be ready to help
- Start setting reminders for laundry and other chores to get done throughout the week
- Make todo lists for when Christina is leaving to make sure those are accomplished when she gets home
- Set some reminders to plan events monthly
- Reminders on Sunday to clean bathroom multiple times Make alarms not able to be turned off and throughout the week. Set ones for weekend as well
Felt heard out, action items were good based on the curiosity I used to ask further questions based on her comments